Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Too Busy

I'm feeling too busy.

It's an odd feeling because I feel caught two ways: on the one hand I have never felt like I am really doing less; on the other, I simply seem to have no time and seem to be accomplishing nothing.

This is somewhat difficult - or seems to be - in the context of trying to reform and reorient my life. One would assume that effectiveness is a prerequisite for change.

I feel caught on a hamster wheel of effort: the more I try and do things, the more I find I am running to try and do things, yet I seem to accomplish nothing. I don't know that I have ever felt less effective in my life.

The only "effective" thing it seems I've done is in the realm of my career - and even now that I'm tracking tasks and priorities and time at work, I am realizing how ineffective I am there as well. The list keeps growing but there are still only so many hours in a day to accomplish anything.

I would say that I would do less, but to do that would be to (in theory) surrender the only things that I potentially enjoy - writing, gardening, music, family, exercise, reading - for that indeterminate block of "Time", which I have no guarantee would be used any better than what it is used for now.

How do I find zest and zeal again? How do I feel more effective and less busy?

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