Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Wednesday Morning 8 AM

So here I am in Austin, ready to start my first day of work.

To be honest, I've got butterflies.

Two reasons really: The first is simply that it's been a little while since I've actually worked. It's odd to think of that, but there it is. I'm sure I'll do well once re-entered into the fray, but there is still that nagging feeling, the one of being out for a while and wondering how well I'll perform.

The second, somewhat related, is simply about how I will do. This is one of the those opportunities that doesn't come along too often, the chance to totally reinvent yourself to the extent that you desire to. Just think: no-one knows me here, the good and the bad. It's an exciting opportunity, yet at the same time concerning because I deeply desire to make some changes within myself, both my lifestyle as well as my deportment. I need, in a sense, to be me while not being me.

Hmm. There's a conundrum. A tabula rosa with things written under the surface already, sort of like a Master's painting painted over an older work.

As Julian of Norwich said, "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." I'll go in and do well. It's just the waiting that's killing me.

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