"Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough." - Josh Billings
Those of a certain era - myself included - may recall the miracle of the Concorde jet, a passenger plane which made the trip from London to New York in a little under 3 hours, less than half the time of the traditional plane flights. It was an aeronautical marvel.
It was also a financial failure.
In four decades of service, the project consistently lost money - yet every time it went over budget, the national governments of France and the United Kingdom continued to pour money in. They did the consciously, knowing that it would never turn a profit (final total was over 16 Billion Pounds Sterling).
Why did this do this? Beyond just what was likely the face saving nature of not discontinuing a national project, it was sunk cost bias, that tendency of humans to continue to invest time, energy and money into something that we know is not going to succeed because we have already invested time, energy and money which cannot be recovered.
A sunk cost bias, suggests McKeown, is the mark of a Non-Esssentialist: realizing that they are continuing to devote time and energy to something which they clearly realize has no chance of achieving what they had hoped and indeed may be a dead end (Teenage and early-20's TB, your dating life is calling), they continue to plod on, not able to simply admit things are not working and stop.
But, McKeown points out, this is not the only sort of Commitment trap that lies in this area:
1) The Endowment Effect: In this trap, we tend to undervalue things that are not our and overvalue the things that are ours - thus insuring we never get rid of them. This applies to things (any collector always believes their items are top of the market, when the market says otherwise) or activities (that project or committee we cannot let go of because we believe that we are critical to it).
The Solution? Pretend that you do not yet own it. Instead of asking "How much do I value this item?", ask "If I did not own this item, how much would I pay to obtain it?" Likewise for opportunities: instead of "How will feel if I miss out on this opportunity?", ask "If I did not have this opportunity, how much would I be willing to sacrifice to obtain it?"
2) Get Over the Fear of Waste - As adults, per Hal Arkes (professor of psychology, The Ohio State University), we are more vulnerable to the sunk cost bias than children because we have had a lifetime of exposure to the "Do not waste" rule. As a result, anytime we abandon something we feel that we have wasted it, something we are told to avoid.
An example: If a person had purchased two trips, one more expensive but less enjoyable and one less expensive but more enjoyable, they will tend to do the more expensive trip even though they will enjoy it less. Why? Because they will have "wasted" the money on the more expensive trip if they do not take it.
The Solution? Admit failure to begin success. The classic example of this, says McKeown, is driving around endlessly instead of asking for directions. Realizing we made a mistake in committing to something and simply letting it go releases the power it has in our lives. Or to use the old adage, "First rule to getting out of a hole: Stop digging".
3) Stop Trying to Force a Fit: McKeown uses the example of Dustin Hoffman's character in the film Tootsie. Every time Hoffman auditions, he is told he is too young, too old, too tall...just different. Like Hoffman, we often try very hard to become something we are not.
The Solution? Get a second opinion. Certainly just because it seems we are a mismatch something is no reason not to try - but often we are too close to see this. We can benefit a great deal from a neutral third party who has no emotional investment in the situation and has no vested interest in the outcome. They can give us the "permission" to stop something that is clearly not working out.
McKeown here gives an example from his own life, spending months trying to force a project that was not moving forward. He was unwilling to give it up - "I can make it work" - until he shared his frustration with a friend, who listened and then responded "You're not married to this". This allowed McKeown the emotional space to stop.
4) Be Aware of the Status Quo: Sometimes we do something because we have always done something. Anyone that has worked at a business that has a system that has long been outgrown by the company has seen this in practice; it is known as the "status quo bias".
The Solution? Apply Zero-Based Budgeting. Like an accountant starting a new budget, use zero as a baseline and begin to justify every expense from scratch. This does several things: It allocates resources based on needs rather than history, it detects exaggerated budgets, draws attention to obsolete operations, and encourages people to be clear in their purpose and how expenses align to their needs.
Assume the same, McKeown suggests, to our own endeavors. Instead of trying to budget our time we simply assume that all previous commitments are gone. Then, starting from scratch, we ask ourselves what we would add to our schedule now: "Every use of time, energy, or resources has to justify itself anew. If it no longer fits, eliminate it altogether."
5) Stop Making Casual Commitments: Some people have the habit of making soft commitments, things they have unintentionally agreed to in casual conversations or a comment. We are chatting with someone about something and suddenly we find we are going to a restaurant or have a hike this coming Saturday.
The Solution? From now on, Pause before you Speak: McKeown suggests a simple enough solution: Pause five seconds before you respond to anything. In that five seconds, ask yourself "Is this essential?" And if you have made a casual commitment that is not essential? Humbly apologize and say that you did not fully realize what you were committing to.
6) Get Over The Fear Of Missing Out: This is a plague on modern society. We fear on missing out on something, so we commit to everything.
The Solution? To fight this fear, Run a Reverse Pilot: In business one often hears the idea of a prototype or pilot program, a small scale model representing a larger idea or system. In a reverse of this idea, McKeown suggests testing if removing something from one's life has any negative consequence.
In this model, one chooses a thing - a report at work for example, or a commitment to someone that you assumed always made a big difference to them - and you scale back. If something happens or it is noticed, it indicates it is important. If it does not cause any impact, perhaps its value is only in our own mind.
McKeown notes that this can be hard for us, because when we uncommit we may feel like we are saying no to someone or abandoning something. This may feel true. But the Essentialist, suggests McKeown, has the larger view of their most important things in view.
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Application:
So rather unexpectedly, last year I got to apply this in an unexpected way: I moved.
All of a sudden, every activity I did in New Home 2.0 was effectively eliminated. All I had a New Home 3.0 was my stuff, my rabbits, and a dojo in my sword style.
This was, in a way, a combination of a great many of the recommendations that McKeown has above. Suddenly I was faced with a blank slate and the question "What do I want to do?"
Some things I kept. Some things I was doing I have not done since I moved. Other things I continued to do, but have asked the question from time to time "Is this still something I want or need to do?"
It was not the way I anticipated it working out, but I can say that it has done a pruning I was not likely to do of my own accord.
