Essentialism (XVI): The Uncomfortable Act Of (Not) Choosing: Addendum

 After writing yesterday's post on Essentialism, I had opportunity to speak with my friend Rainbow.

For context, Rainbow has been a friend for just over twenty years now (something like six jobs ago), and as a friend of that long with a friendship that expanded beyond the acquaintances of work that we have so often, she has seen and knows enough about my life and my personality that she has both context and background for the discussions that we have.  As a result, she is a wonderful sounding board for my thoughts and ideas (some of which, to be fair, are indeed harebrained).

During our conversation, I brought up the fact that I was going through this Essentialism project (as that is what is seems to have become), I mentioned yesterday's revelation to myself that I was simply still at the point that while I could identify "Essential" things pretty clearly, I had pulled back from identifying something as a foremost Essential.  And that it bothered me for a reason I could not define.

Her response was "Maybe that is because it no longer serves the same purpose".

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Over the course of my life, I have started and stopped a great many things.  Oftentimes that stoppage simply seems to happen:  one day I am just "done" with a thing.  In that case, the paraphernalia often disappears soon after (once or twice too quickly).  Why, I asked myself (and Rainbow) does this happen?

One reason can simply be that I have nothing else that is interesting to me in the subject or hobby or task; that I have done what I am likely to do.  The second, somewhere more concerning, is that there is more I could do - but it requires an element of effort and dedication that I will not commit to.  Viewed in this light, the question becomes "Why am I giving these things up?"

That "Why" becomes the operative interrogative - and to be fair, something that I have seldom asked of myself when I have discontinued a thing.

The second question, of course, is the purpose that any thing serves.

I tend to be a person that pours more meaning into subjects or tasks than they may merit.  Part of that is still due to the eight year old inside of me that believes that being novel and pleasing people is incredible important - and often in the past my activities have all had that aspect of "Wow, you know/do that?", because as an introvert and nerd and socially awkward child and teenager, this is how you find your way with people.  Part of it can be that I am looking for some deeper meaning out of something that is not designed to provide it. And in some cases, I simply do things because I have done them for a long time.

Moving, of course, upset that last parameter.

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For the things you "identified", asked Rainbow, will they serve the purpose they have?  Or do you need to look at re-examine them?

I gave the matter some thought with her verbally on the phone.  In every instance, I still believed that I had things to learn or do in them, even if it required effort beyond what I tend to dedicate to such things.  

That is fine, she suggested.  But maybe there is no need to commit in such a way to any thing like that yet.  Just continue doing what you are doing, but do it with a sense of being open to things changing or morphing in importance or even something new presenting itself.

That is why friends such as Rainbow are so valuable. They help me to see things that I would not have otherwise seen.