One of the most humbling things anyone can do is accept the fact that they are a sinner, to agree with God's word that they are lost without His saving grace.
One of the next most humbling things is to believe it.
There seem to be two sorts of people in the world, those that have no problem believing it and those that have a great deal of trouble believing it. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I fall into the second bracket.
It is not, I suppose, that I question that He cannot do it. It is that I question that I can accept that it is done.
Arguably it comes from a lifetime of doubting myself, of second guessing my second guesses, of never willing to commit to a decision (and therefore, not believing anyone else can either).
I was reminded of my struggle that I have with this - and the certainty that I should have - by a song that was new to me at Easter (Run time 4:55).
Nylon12, I am infinitely comforted by the journals of David Brainerd, an early 18th Century missionary to the tribes of what is now Pennsylvania. He never once had a revelation or felt a one of those "moments", yet faithfully continued in his task until his death due to tuberculosis. Feelings are not everything.
My transition into the Kingdom of His dear Son was life changing for me. My filthy mouth and addiction to skin mags fell away without effort. I had a sudden, insatiable desire to read and understand the Bible. Old friends weren't interesting anymore. A 69 year old home missionary became a trusted mentor. When I questioned my faith, I remembered what He did in me. I had long years of drought and pain to reflect on. The 90's were mostly a black and white memory of betrayal and distrust. Losing myself in work to avoid the pain of living. But God lifted me out of that cesspool. My love for Him had cooled, I repented and did the first works. I dug into my Bible, talked with Godly people, and began to warm back up like an orphan ember moved back into the fire. He led me out of darkness and into the clean light.
It is sad to see believers, mentally stuck in their chains when actually, they are free to go and live. If they only knew who they were, and Who works in them to will and to do of God's good pleasure.... For FREEDOM, He set us free.
I have two very different songs that speak to me, like that one did to you.
Chris Townsend's In Christ Alone, and Damaris Carbaugh's He Has Forgiven Me.
No guilt in life, no fear in death, This is the power of Christ in me; From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man, Can ever pluck me from His hand: Till He returns or calls me home, Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
One of the images that always sticks with me when these discussions of freedom in Christ come up are is the image of the prisoner sitting in a cell with an open door, refusing to believe that they can simply stand up and walk outside.
Over the years as my commitment - like yours - has waxed and waned, something feel away, as you say, effortlessly. Others continue to be long grinds of God's holiness against the soul, wearing them down to the pure grain beneath it.
I do not think having doubts is a cause for shame. Faith is a living, growing strength that must be constantly exercised if it is to be strong and dependable. Satan is subtle and although he cannot read our thoughts, he has the capacity to order circumstances which can deceive us and affect our hope. Therefore, it is necessary for us to be thankful and express gratitude towards God when we experience peace and prosperity and not only think of Him when we are in trouble or distressed. This trains our hearts and minds to recognize that trust in Him is worth the effort. And this act works to increase our faith. Quite easy to do, but hard to remember.
Samuel - Certainly Christ never judged Thomas for his lack of faith in the Resurrection, so your thought is definitely in line with historical Christian teaching. And so we should indeed praise Him in everything.
Like you, I find this incredibly hard to do on a regular basis.
Thank you for this post and the song, TB. I had not heard it before. This verse grabbed me (especially, the 2nd line):
"Our Savior displayed on a criminal's cross Darkness rejoiced as though heaven had lost But then Jesus arose with our freedom in hand That's when death was arrested and my life began"
Having gone through a dark spiritual crisis a few years ago, when my brother died, I felt those words deep in my soul. Because I was "estranged" from my brother when he died, I sunk into a pit - questioning my salvation, and if I was ever truly a Christian. It took months, maybe a year, before God broke through my guilt and shame and I was able to finally rest in peace and faith that His mercy and grace covered my failure in mine and my brother's relationship. My brother died a believer, and the knowledge of that gave me great joy for him, even though I struggled to believe in my own salvation. Honestly, it was acknowledging and accepting God's authority over my eternal destiny that broke the chains that had bound me in shame and fear for months. I am so thankful today that I can trust one day we'll meet again, and there will be no brokeness between us.
I've come to understand how very much a process this life is. That we will have doubts, failures, even "dark nights of the soul", but these experiences do not mean God's mercy and grace has been removed. Indeed, His mercy and grace are illuminated more profoundly when we emerge from those dark, or merely shadowy, places.
That is an interesting observation about your estrangement contributing to your questioning your salvation. I wonder if we come to feel so responsible for others that when relationship is broken, we worry that our relationship with God is broken to. To your point though, it is a matter - never simple - of accepting God's authority.
I have found in my own reading that sometimes it is not those who always felt closest to God that move me, but those who felt farthest away from Him - and soldiered on regardless of their feelings.
I'm hoping it wasn't too much sharing, TB. The spiritual turmoil that resulted from losing my brother after years of estrangement was complicated - mostly because mental illness and a painful history was part of the picture. I'm sure it's not a unique situation, but it's a hard one to write about, hence, there was little I could find to help me navigate the spiritual trauma I was experiencing. I'd love to write about it (in my space) - to help others, but to date it feels like very tricky business to write about such a thing and at the same time preserve the other person's dignity (and mine, for that matter). I gained so much respect for my brother as I sifted through his things as the personal representative of his estate, the last thing I want is to bring any harm to the memory of him.
Honestly, one of the great struggles I have had in writing this blog over the years is finding the balance between writing honestly and not casting untoward aspersions or my interpretation of events when the other person may have a different interpretation and no ability to comment or defend themselves. The peace I have made with myself is that I write as honestly as I can and in some cases simply do not write some things based on that.
One thing I sometimes find helpful is writing those things in terms of principles, not necessarily the specific events. That gives a degree of separation between people and the events or points I am trying to write on.
Comments are welcome (and necessary, for good conversation). If you could take the time to be kind and not practice profanity, it would be appreciated. Thanks for posting!
Guess that's why it's called Faith TB........:)
ReplyDeleteNylon12, I am infinitely comforted by the journals of David Brainerd, an early 18th Century missionary to the tribes of what is now Pennsylvania. He never once had a revelation or felt a one of those "moments", yet faithfully continued in his task until his death due to tuberculosis. Feelings are not everything.
DeleteWhat brings me peace is that God does not see us as we now are, but as we will be when home with Him. Woody
ReplyDeleteWoody, that is a profound thought. Thank you for sharing it. I never thought of it that way.
DeleteMy transition into the Kingdom of His dear Son was life changing for me. My filthy mouth and addiction to skin mags fell away without effort. I had a sudden, insatiable desire to read and understand the Bible. Old friends weren't interesting anymore. A 69 year old home missionary became a trusted mentor. When I questioned my faith, I remembered what He did in me. I had long years of drought and pain to reflect on. The 90's were mostly a black and white memory of betrayal and distrust. Losing myself in work to avoid the pain of living. But God lifted me out of that cesspool. My love for Him had cooled, I repented and did the first works. I dug into my Bible, talked with Godly people, and began to warm back up like an orphan ember moved back into the fire. He led me out of darkness and into the clean light.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad to see believers, mentally stuck in their chains when actually, they are free to go and live. If they only knew who they were, and Who works in them to will and to do of God's good pleasure.... For FREEDOM, He set us free.
I have two very different songs that speak to me, like that one did to you.
Chris Townsend's In Christ Alone, and Damaris Carbaugh's He Has Forgiven Me.
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand:
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
In Christ Alone is a good one STxAR.
DeleteOne of the images that always sticks with me when these discussions of freedom in Christ come up are is the image of the prisoner sitting in a cell with an open door, refusing to believe that they can simply stand up and walk outside.
Over the years as my commitment - like yours - has waxed and waned, something feel away, as you say, effortlessly. Others continue to be long grinds of God's holiness against the soul, wearing them down to the pure grain beneath it.
I do not think having doubts is a cause for shame. Faith is a living, growing strength that must be constantly exercised if it is to be strong and dependable. Satan is subtle and although he cannot read our thoughts, he has the capacity to order circumstances which can deceive us and affect our hope. Therefore, it is necessary for us to be thankful and express gratitude towards God when we experience peace and prosperity and not only think of Him when we are in trouble or distressed. This trains our hearts and minds to recognize that trust in Him is worth the effort. And this act works to increase our faith. Quite easy to do, but hard to remember.
ReplyDeleteSamuel - Certainly Christ never judged Thomas for his lack of faith in the Resurrection, so your thought is definitely in line with historical Christian teaching. And so we should indeed praise Him in everything.
DeleteLike you, I find this incredibly hard to do on a regular basis.
Easiest thing? Just skip fear.
ReplyDeleteIt is the easiest, John. Also for me, the hardest.
DeleteThank you for this post and the song, TB. I had not heard it before. This verse grabbed me (especially, the 2nd line):
ReplyDelete"Our Savior displayed on a criminal's cross
Darkness rejoiced as though heaven had lost
But then Jesus arose with our freedom in hand
That's when death was arrested and my life began"
Having gone through a dark spiritual crisis a few years ago, when my brother died, I felt those words deep in my soul. Because I was "estranged" from my brother when he died, I sunk into a pit - questioning my salvation, and if I was ever truly a Christian. It took months, maybe a year, before God broke through my guilt and shame and I was able to finally rest in peace and faith that His mercy and grace covered my failure in mine and my brother's relationship. My brother died a believer, and the knowledge of that gave me great joy for him, even though I struggled to believe in my own salvation. Honestly, it was acknowledging and accepting God's authority over my eternal destiny that broke the chains that had bound me in shame and fear for months. I am so thankful today that I can trust one day we'll meet again, and there will be no brokeness between us.
I've come to understand how very much a process this life is. That we will have doubts, failures, even "dark nights of the soul", but these experiences do not mean God's mercy and grace has been removed. Indeed, His mercy and grace are illuminated more profoundly when we emerge from those dark, or merely shadowy, places.
Wow Becki. Thank you for sharing.
DeleteThat is an interesting observation about your estrangement contributing to your questioning your salvation. I wonder if we come to feel so responsible for others that when relationship is broken, we worry that our relationship with God is broken to. To your point though, it is a matter - never simple - of accepting God's authority.
I have found in my own reading that sometimes it is not those who always felt closest to God that move me, but those who felt farthest away from Him - and soldiered on regardless of their feelings.
I'm hoping it wasn't too much sharing, TB. The spiritual turmoil that resulted from losing my brother after years of estrangement was complicated - mostly because mental illness and a painful history was part of the picture. I'm sure it's not a unique situation, but it's a hard one to write about, hence, there was little I could find to help me navigate the spiritual trauma I was experiencing. I'd love to write about it (in my space) - to help others, but to date it feels like very tricky business to write about such a thing and at the same time preserve the other person's dignity (and mine, for that matter). I gained so much respect for my brother as I sifted through his things as the personal representative of his estate, the last thing I want is to bring any harm to the memory of him.
DeleteBecki - Have no concerns in that regard.
DeleteHonestly, one of the great struggles I have had in writing this blog over the years is finding the balance between writing honestly and not casting untoward aspersions or my interpretation of events when the other person may have a different interpretation and no ability to comment or defend themselves. The peace I have made with myself is that I write as honestly as I can and in some cases simply do not write some things based on that.
One thing I sometimes find helpful is writing those things in terms of principles, not necessarily the specific events. That gives a degree of separation between people and the events or points I am trying to write on.