As long time readers know, I have struggled for most of my life - certainly the life of this blog - with my, and I put this quotes, "calling".
If you were to ask me what I really wanted to do, I likely could not define it for you. At one time I thought I had different callings - teacher, entertainer, pastor, writer, businessman, even agriculturalist - but each and every one of these failed to pan out for different reasons. Some of them became the hobbies that they were likely ever going to be, others faded away into the background of "jobs I have held".
The one more or less constant for the almost of my post-college employment history has been the industry I am currently in, biopharmaceutical/medical devices.
This was not the industry I ever intended to be in - in school I was mediocre math and science student at best and in college I took the least amount of course I needed to in these fields to get my degree. Yet for every other things I thought I was meant to do, it is only this industry that has provided me with steady employment and a more than generous salary and benefits.
Then an odd thing happened to me in my recent application for a new position in my department: I suddenly felt like this was my "calling".
That may not sound like game changing thought that it is, at least for me.
Literally all of my life I have somehow had the belief that I was meant to do "something important or noble" (and yes, that feeling was just as undefined as it sounds). Likely that was a combination of an inflated feeling of self importance as well as the fact that certain things came pretty easily to me; thus, was I not destined for greatness? And yet, that "greatness" somehow always eluded me, and I found myself "slogging" away at a career that felt was just a pit stop on my way to my actual calling.
Mind you, it was a very good career in the sense it was financially rewarding and allowed us to make decisions like The Ravishing Mrs. TB being able to stay home when Na Clann were young and even when they got older, to work a part time job to be able to stay involved in their school and activities. It allowed us to buy a house (more than once) and travel and get out of debt and pay cash for things instead of financing them.
But always in the back of my mind was the idea that this was "not it", that the Great Thing lay out there and I was somehow always on the precipice of finding it.
If only, I thought, I could just get out of this career.
And yet when I wrote my letter to go along with CV for the recent application, I found my attitude had completely changed.
For the first time that I can remember, I was not applying for a position merely because I needed one or that I wanted make a change to a higher level or better pay. I applied because I truly thought that I could make a difference in my workplace - not a scientific difference of course (no sane person wants me in a laboratory or manufacturing space), but a difference in the way work, in the way we communicated, in the way the site does the business that it does.
Somehow, almost accidentally after 25 plus years, I had found my calling. Perhaps even more ironically (but just like every major romantic or life change Hallmark-style movie), it was under my nose the whole time. I just had to humble myself to realize that "Greatness" and "Great Importance" were not something I had been called to; making things better and being a better servant of others was. A far humbler task, to be sure, but apparently the one that actually needed to be done.
Sometimes humbling ourselves before God means ignoring what we think we are called to do and asking "What would You have me do?" And sometimes in that answer, the obstacles that previously beset us may be moved aside - not that they allow us to go our own way, but rather that they allow us to go in the way He always desired for us.
Your words often hit me at such a time that I feel they were written just for me to read-the Lord works in mysterious ways-I am grateful for you both
ReplyDeleteWell, thanks Michael! That is an encouraging word to open up my browser to.
DeleteSadly, I am slower than most. If only I had been willing to listen years ago. Likely the course of my life would not have changed, but I could have been far more content at the time.
I wonder if the term "calling" carries with it more expectations than simply saying "this is what the Lord has given me to do." A "calling" seems to carry the idea of something big or something great. Yet most of life is so mundane. I have to keep reminding myself that what's important is how I live my mundane daily life.
ReplyDeleteLeigh, our idea of "calling" comes at least in part that one of our words for work - vocation - derives from the Latin word vocare, to call. Originally the word was applied (I believe) to the religious orders; one was "called" by God to enter the religious life. From there, on both sides, we get to our modern idea of having a "calling" for the main purpose of our life, which in the modern world is often around the thing we spend the most time on, our job.
DeleteYou are correct in that we have added on another layer in modern times that our "calling" is big or great and is something that we should self actualize; there is a whole subset of career advice around the idea that one should do what one feels called to or loves and the money will follow (it does not work that way 99% of the time, of course).
Most of the history of the human race was never written because it consisted of the humble things of ordinary life - farming, crafting, raising families - that was not considered worth recording. Imagine the stories in Heaven of all history of all the people who just lived non-called, ordinary lives.
"...Mundane..." As the song says "All in all you're just a...nother brick in the wall..." That being said, you're a brick in the wall of God's temple. You may feel insignificant, being nothing more than a brick. You're not a cornerstone, keystone, or a gate. You're just a brick. Know this though; without you, that mundane brick, the entirety of the structure is weak, and will suffer for lack of you. God made you who you are, what you are, when you are, and where you are for a specific purpose. Just live, and let God work through you; HIS will, be done...
DeletePete - One of the reflections that I had two weeks ago at our men's group was something from our trip to Cambodia.
DeleteOne of the places that we visited was Angkor Wat, the great temple that is famous the world over. One of the points I made to the group was that that entire, massive temple complex - that is us as Christians, temples of His Spirit.
But you make another excellent point, that we are all bricks (or stones, as they were in Angkor Wat) in God's temple. Without every one of those stones, that structure would not be what it is. And without every one of us, Go's structure is somehow less than what it could be.
As an observation "making things better and being a better servant of others" sounds like a good description of what a manager should aspire to.
ReplyDeleteWill - It really does.
DeleteThe best definition I have ever heard of leadership is from the Chinese Sage Lao Tzu, who said "When the leader has done their job, the people say 'We did it ourselves'".
Who knew as aging happens perhaps Wisdom seeps in. Recognizing the path He laid out for you can take some doing. But then what do I know? Just another old fart reading blogs each day.......Godspeed TB.......:)
ReplyDeleteNylon12, I am indebted beyond measure to God's patience and willingness to wait for me to "catch up". Now if I can just speed up the cycle of learning to beyond decades...
Delete"He who would be great, is the servant of all." That is more or less what Mark 10:44 says. When I realized that a manager is there to make sure the worker has what he needs to do the best job possible (including direction), it was a big reorientation of expectations. I've had "bosses", but precious few managers. The managers knew they were facilitators, not dictators. They made sure I had what I needed to do my best work: training, tools, parts, direction, encouragement, correction.... and enough space to do my job the way I work best.
ReplyDeleteJesus calls ALL those who believe to a life/work that is already laid out for them. He gives us His Spirit to train, remind, encourage, rebuke and empower us to do that work as He wants it done. We have coworkers, team leads, and trainees to work with. It's really pretty neat when I look at it that way. No matter what job we have, we can be His worker in that job. Like a candle in the dark or a sweet smelling incense (a whip in the temple maybe?), we are to impact our area of operation as His ambassador.
STxAR - The best managers I ever had - and I had many - were ones that I would hardly have named as "bosses"; they were much more like friends that just asked how things were going, gave some occasional direction, and took care of a million things behind the scenes I hardly comprehended to make sure that I could do my job. They always listened, they encouraged, they advised...I am fortunate that I had so many good models.
DeleteIt is transformational when we realize that for 99% of us, our "Christian" work is simply living out Christ's instructions and salvation on a daily basis wherever He places us. It makes me think deeply when I am tempted to react poorly or speaking ill of coworkers: what would they think if the next words out of my mouth were about my faith in Christ and how He has changed my life?
He always wins.
ReplyDeleteHe always does indeed, John.
DeleteHopefully your application gets accepted.
ReplyDeleteI've been lucky in a way though cursed in some aspects. I went into exactly the field I had been desiring upon graduation and stayed with it through my entire career. Each job I was eager with anticipation and enjoyed what I was doing. However, with each job, either the business itself soured or the office dynamics soured to the point I had to move on to another job. Eventually I just had enough of the souring, though I still enjoyed my job, and left my career for good. I don't have any regrets but it certainly didn't go as I had imagined.
Ed, I knew people that had the precise idea even in high school what they wanted to do and went and did it. I really envy those people having that kind of clarity.
DeleteInevitably as one "moves up" in the corporate structure, politics rear their ugly head. Since I literally have no other goal than making this my last job, I can afford to spend the minimal amount of energies on such issues, put my head down, and just do the work.