For Mother's Day this year, Nighean Bhan gave the The Ravishing Mrs. TB two things. The first was a multi-week meal plan (instead of having to pick recipes week by week), a very appreciated gift as it is a thankless task week after week, year after year.
The second was "helping" her go through things. And by "helping", I mean effectively forcing her to go out and start sorting through the things in the garage and the things in the house for the upcoming move.
Our middle daughter has a gift for organizing and decluttering. She is ruthless with herself: her room is a sort of visual white space with minimal items all carefully chosen for their importance or relevance to her life and carefully selected in terms of placement. She likes to do it as well, so periodically our cabinets and pantry have been subjected to clean outs where a box of foods of unknown origins appears and the expectation is that these will become the next "go to" food when one is looking for a snack or a quick bite.
After 30 plus years of being together, we have a lot of things as individuals, as a couple, and as a family. And, sadly, we are likely too enmeshed in them to perhaps consider them in the light of need, want, and utility.
And so, the "helpful" oversight of Nighean Bhan as things need to be gone through.
Do I have an idea what all was done? I do not, although I am lead to believe a fair amount of time was spent in the garage, our home equivalent of the Wild West. It sounds like work was done there - although we effectively have three or more Christmas Trees of decorations (without trying hard), so there still maybe work to be done.
My role? Look at pictures that came through later in the day and assess whether it was a keep or give away.
This round was mostly "cabinetware" - thus, things like mugs, glasses and the like. Most of the choices were pretty straightforward - after all, one can only have so many mugs or chopsticks. On the other hand, there were some moments that made me think hard - like, of example, mugs from my previous employers. Worth keeping? Maybe, maybe not. Personal historical value? Pretty high.
There were some expected ones: the 0.5L mug from Munich I got when I was there in the early 1990's, the china mug from Ireland that got and have never used, myself being the ultimate breaker of items when I use such things. And some unexpected - but the unexpected really were things I have not seen or used in years. At this point why keep them?
At one point in our conversation, The Ravishing Mrs. TB commented on the fact that thought of downsizing had not occurred to her over the years as a possible outcome. It had not occurred to me either; after all, the typical path always seems to be larger and more. And it seems that - like many others - we responded to that with a vengeance.
Now, we get the other side of the coin: downsizing, keeping those things which are only most memorable or most useful. It is something that one thinks about in the abstract as happening "someday".
And then, someday comes.
Things do have a tendency to accumulate over the years. You're fortunate to have someone in the family who is able to..... ah.....declutter eh?
ReplyDeleteNylon12, things do indeed accumulate. The hilarious thing to me is that I had no idea (or really, I had an idea but maybe did not expose myself to it) that it was quite so much stuff.
DeleteIt is a blessing to have someone who can be completely neutral and simply say "Are you going to need this?"
I'm pretty ruthless when it comes to sorting while my wife is a pushover and everything has memories or utility. We compromise by containing all those things in one room of the basement. It is a disaster by my standards but at least it is out of sight.
ReplyDeleteEd, in this we are opposite. I am the one that desires to keep things, most from memory. In my defense, most of the things are items that were gifts from family or my children, things that at this point are never going to come my way again.
DeleteI went through the same sort of thing last year and this year. The tornado was 4 years ago, now. We will never have a nice big house again. If I haven't had a reason to look for or use it since then, let it go.
ReplyDeleteOf course in the last few weeks there were things that maybe I should have kept, but they were not expensive to replace and overall we are in a better place without all the things that were collected because we had the room. :)
It's good you have middle daughter to help.
You all be safe and God bless.
Linda, has it been four years already? Heaves, how time flies.
DeleteYes, likely we will get rid of some things that we may need, but they are readily replaceable (those seem to be the things we get rid of the most). I am interested to see what a less full house looks like.
And yes, having a child with that talent is a godsend.
Like Linda G I went through a 3rd tornado but was only marginally damaged this time. Time to downsize so a couple stopped and asked it I wanted to sell. They had lost three homes and were living with relatives. Do you have any idea what a ton you collect in a 4000 ft house. It was a this has to go, no maybe I'll need it. Now paying rent on a storage that is half books. But furniture prevents me from getting to them. Next month all the furniture is going in a smaller unit to sell. Books are going to 4 library's. The rest goes to family and charity.
ReplyDeleteAnon - I have no specific idea how much, but I can imagine given my own proclivities to buy books. I suspect that this will lead to both 1) a continued releasing of things; and 2) really questioning why I buy things. I already put the kabosh on some books this week that were "a really good deal" because I just do not need them. I need to get into this habit.
DeleteYour garage sounds like our front bedroom. Unfortunately, I'm not ruthless when it comes to culling belongings. My biggest dilemma is that I don't want to need to buy things in the future that I get rid of now. That's happened enough times that I try to be more thoughtful about potential use versus the impulse to toss. Even so, downsizing possessions is a healthy exercise now and then.
ReplyDeleteLeigh, that is always the razor's edge one walks in such things. I, too, have had to repurchase things because I got rid of them the first time. Part of it is learning to purchase based on functionality and need, not whim and spur of the moment. That alone could protect me from some of my purchases.
DeleteThat said, it probably is time to take stock of what I have, where I am, and where the next 20 years are going to lead (since really, that is sort of the horizon at this point).
TB, you are indeed blessed to have a daughter who will do this for you. And lucky you, you do not have to be on site! is it true you will eventually end up at what you call The Ranch? Still years away, though, right?
ReplyDeleteBob, we are blessed! I have almost zero ability to do that sort of hard sorting myself - and yes, double bonus that I am not present for the activity as it honestly makes it easier for everyone.
DeleteThe plan is still that we end up at The Ranch. This relocation helps move us in that direction, both physically and mentally (e.g., I am not moving all this back). The timing is still in question of course; I may be able to do a small part of my job remote now but not much. Opportunities may present themselves later. For now, I will have to manage weekend trips - even then, the flight will be far more doable, 50% plus less travel time.
I have been wondering if any of our sons would be interested in helping sort through things here. Part of me thinks it could be nice bonding time with adult kids, part of me thinks they would hate it. You are very fortunate to have a daughter who enjoys this type of thing. I know for me, having a friend helping with certain types of sorting is helpful for me to see my stuff with more clarity. That said, it has to be the right person helping with the right things - one who can appreciate the reason certain things have accumulated, but can see these things with some objectivity.
ReplyDeleteBecki, it really seems to be a personality based thing. And yes, you describe perfectly: someone who can appreciate the reason and see things objectively. It is a skill - one I can use in other areas, but not this one.
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