Wednesday, November 24, 2021

Disrespect And Difficult

 

One of the most difficult things for the shy among us - and by "us", I mean me - is standing up for one's self.

There are any number of reasons why this becomes a thing, I suppose:  fear of reprisals, figures of authority that treated any sort of attempt to defend or speak for one's self harshly, a crippling fear of being rejected for expressing an unwelcome thought or opinion, or simply being shy and wanting to "go along to get along".  Or all of these.

But at some point - I suspect, as it seems to be coming true for me - one finds that one simply cannot continue to just "go along to get along".  One begins to express opposition to being shut down, ignored, or - as the above picture suggests - "disrespected". 

It is remarkable how swiftly things will change.

The first or second time that it happens, people will simply cock their head and look at you oddly.  They may try to paper it over - "What I think you meant was X" - or simply just ignore what you have said and try to carry on.  When you express your opinion or thoughts again, they may try the same thing.

When they realize you are serious, things become a bit more...difficult.

Somehow, they say, you have changed.  You were not like this before - what happened to you?  Why did suddenly become so wrong about things?  Why are you being difficult about them - these are things that you had always done/gone along with/believed/allowed in the past - what changed now?

In other words, suddenly you have become "difficult".

It is difficult if you try this and you are an extrovert - but it is literally a living form of punishment if you are an introvert.  Expressing yourself in public at all can be hard, let alone if you are trying to buck established patterns of behavior and interactions that have existed for years or even decades.

But even with your introverted fears, you quietly raise your wavering voice and express yourself.

Over time, your voice may become less wavering. I am not sure that your fears ever go away.

17 comments:

  1. Anonymous3:46 AM

    I wonder where the line of 'Confident in One's Ability' and 'Assertive' becomes two different things. I notice that the more outgoing personalities have confidence that they know what they are doing. Vs. people (like myself) who are winging it :^) Fake It until You Make It.

    I will not tolerate people who bully others to make themselves greater in other people's lives. Some of my coworkers focus on a person and 'pick on them' vs. minding their own business and getting things done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wonder if the line runs just as you have named it: those who go about their business and those who feel it is their business to intervene or even directly dictate into the lives of others.

      If it makes you feel better, I suspect a great many of us are winging it.

      Delete
  2. You can’t bean introvert anymore TB. You need to get a skin. You are not a man that wrongs people, so do what’s right, take honest critique and correction and sail on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fair point Glen. With the caveat, of course, is separating the critique and the correction from the “Sit down and refrain from speaking.”

      Delete
    2. Sorry TB - I shouldn't try to type when I am half asleep. I should have said you need to grow a thick skin. With the obvious caveat, of course, that having a thick skin does not mean callous. Hope you have a great thanksgiving lined up.

      Delete
    3. Glen, to be completely honest we were both apparently asleep as I read it as thick skin.

      Delete
  3. A will written post my friend and one that resonates deeply within me. After a 24 year abusive marriage (yes it happens to men as well) my confidence was totally drained, there was no self respect and I just went along with 'everybody's opinion because it was easier.
    Move forward about a decade and now confidence, self respect and the ability to state my own opinion has returned although sometimes the past drags me backwards more often than I care to mention.
    I have developed an edge these days and do not suffer bullies or fools anymore...I guess not giving a frig for these types help me, and being not dictated too anymore helps and if people don't like me for that then they don't figure on my Christmas list.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for sharing John - I knew part of that but not the whole. It is hard for us introverts to get to the end of our rope.

      I, too, need to develop the bit of edge to not suffer bullies, fools, or the meddling.

      Delete
  4. TB, "(going) along to get along" has gotten us to the precipice upon which we now teeter. The time for "accommodation" has been here and gone. It's long past time to push back!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. We are rolling over and playing dead for obvious lunatics and criminals now. And nothing we do makes them happy, they just get more and more deranged and angry with each concession and conciliatory gesture. The events last week prove it. Most of these guys will back off of you stand your ground and show no fear - which is all that most of us have to worry about.

      Delete
    2. Pete and Glen, in my case this is not so much political or social as it is other parts of my life. I have not been good about this in any number of areas.

      Delete
  5. Whether on the giving or receiving end, there is a fine line between assertiveness and aggressiveness. IMO, assertiveness get can get far more done and not feel like bullying.

    Of course I'm rarely either. It's always easier to just keep my mouth shut. I know that's not good, though, so I'm trying to learn to speak up when I know it's important to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kelly - There is certainly nothing inherently wrong with assertiveness and sometimes that is the way decisions get made. What can be troubling is when people become so assertive that they don’t entertain any other opinions or anything that disagrees with what they are proposing.

      Delete
  6. I will silently sit by and let a LIBTARD spew their nonsense unabated. Far be it from me to be the one to make them look stupid. But God help them if they turn to me and ask either "What do you think?" or "Don't you agree?" Then I reply "Are you sure you want to hear my opinion?" and if they press I unleash until they are totally unglued in their discombobulated illogical ideas.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. GD - I always quietly let people talk. Usually they do not ask my opinion. Which is perfectly OK. What I have found to be as successful is just breaking in when they are complaining about things and asking if they understand how we got to that point.

      Delete
  7. On among officers or a board member in several organizations and I have always felt it best to just sit back and listen to others banter back and forth and get their arguing out of the way while I reason out my response. Just recently, I weighed in with an opinion on a subject that had the board split 4 to 4. After I offered my opinion hours later, (this was an email vote) several people changed their votes to my way making it 7 to 2 in the end.

    You've covered this before but people just need to sit back and listen more before speaking. Thinking with your tongue never ends up well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ed, some of the greatest changes I have been involved with in people’s lives has been when I have made a simple comment and then just let it ferment rather than “argue” with them.

      Yes, thinking out loud your way into a decision is often not successful.

      Delete

Your comment will be posted after review. Thanks for posting!