Thoughts on Choices and Powerlessness

One of those mornings where I have not the slightest idea what should write about.

I find myself buried in conflicting emotions:  feelings of anger, feelings of being trapped, feelings of powerlessness.  My life feels like - at least today - a cage that no matter how hard I try I cannot break out of.

The realization that no matter what I do in certain aspects of my life has had a debilitating effect.  I was taught and trained that hard work in pursuit of a goal pays off.  Now I am confronted with the fact that hard work in pursuit of a goal can, in fact, produce nothing - but the hard work is still expected.

Have I truly reached my shelf life - not in terms of expiration but in terms of significant change or advancement anywhere in my life?

I guess I kept hoping that there was a catalyst, that something that I would do would trigger the series of changes in my life.  There is no catalyst that I can now see - it is as if life in general is retreating from the edges of my own life, leaving a gap which cannot now be bridged.

The sense of powerlessness is bothersome as well.  My ability to make decisions or impacts on my own life seems to limited, if not gone. My ability to be the agent of determining some aspect of my destiny is stripped away, leaving only the ruts and paths of everyday life to be followed.

Choices?  There seem to be none.  The only impacts I could make on my life at the moment seem to be ones which would be harmful - suddenly quitting my job for example, or randomly deciding to break relationships.  Nothing good, nothing forward looking, nothing involving make a choice for the better.

Is this the end result of a life lived "by the rules"?  A cage of choices and tasks that responsible people do which deprives us of any ability to do anything else?