It all seems to come back to writing.
It does not matter what other ideas I come up with, what other plans I try to make, what other things I think I want to do: in the end, I come back to writing as the vehicle for doing what I want to do.
It seems ludicrous on the face of it, of course: I am not a well known writer by any stretch of the imagination. My books - such as they are - have made the best seller lists of precisely no-one. My blogs scattered here and there through interest seem to generate occasional interest, but nothing that would give any indication that this is the sort of career I can do.
But I must temper that with the other realities as well. While I have not sold a million books, I have sold 30 to date in less than a year - 30 which would have never been sold had I never tried. My blogs - especially this one, but others as well - continue to show modest growth over time as I continue to work on them.
The ideas are still there and are still coming. I am still learning, of course - dragging myself into the frame of mind where I enjoy editing, which has always been a chore to me, has proven to be difficult. But I had the experience yesterday of working on editing and suddenly having an epiphany that what I was doing really was adding value to what I had written before. There was a sense of improvement.
The greatest sense of possibility I have comes when I write. Writing requires no equipment except a computer, no investment save time and energy - which is a bit misleading, since the time and energy come from the same pool as everything else that is going on in my life.
I must, however, be honest with myself: there is limited time left in my days and in my life. Investing it wisely is a trust that I have been given. I must go with that which provides me the greatest joy, the greatest reward, the greatest sense of contributing to the world through the growth and (hopefully) the assistance of others to see things and consider things they had not previously done.
And that, it seems, all comes back to writing.
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