Towering Pride

So as a response to my October Thinking post, Songbird wrote:

"What if the recent changes in your life that prompted the decision to move to Austin really are for the benefit of someone other than you? It sounds cold, but what if God is gently manipulating things not to provide you with an amazing new life but to begin to move pieces around in the life/lives of the girls, who are just starting on their life paths?"

"Hmm" I initially thought. "What an interesting idea. Interesting - but of course events in my life center around me, and if other's benefit, so much the better."

And then I looked at it again. And my thought processes. And got repulsed.

I am often so self absorbed that even when I don't think it's about me, I think it's about me. The concept that events might happen in my life not for the benefit of me but for the benefit of others is something I think I can say I have never truly processed.

I probably make a mistake when I assume that God's actions in my life are always to benefit me, directly or no. Sure, I often spout that events are for God's glory and my good - but that presumes that "good" means that it is a benefit to me. The concept that something may directly affect me for the benefit of someone else is, well, bad. Very bad. After all, that might call into question this whole "completed life according to my plan" thing.

Can I consciously and honestly deal with the concept that in the event nothing in my life ever directly occurred to benefit me but benefited those around me, it would be okay? When I say I want the best for Na Clann, do I understand the best to possibly be to my detriment?

The next sound you hear will be my pride tumbling off the Precipice of Humility for a long fall to the ground...