Stumbling in enthusiasm at work again. The "Let's try harder to build a better process" seems to have settled into the "I have a lot to do on my list - what can I get off it today" mode.
It's good to have a list. It's good to have a job. What I guess is disappointing to me the sense at which my job has become simply that, a job, a seemingly endless list of things to take care of before I go home in the evening.
There is a certain sense (at least for myself) of fear. Call it the remaining deposit from my layoff. I am very sensitive both to senior management and what they do, looking for evidence that something may occur or is going on. It tends to create this very bizarre dynamic of feeling like so much of what you do is not relevant even as you work your best on the non relevant in the fear that if a job cut comes, you will not be caught in it.
It also makes me wonder what it takes to break out of such a rut. I'm trying - making sure that I am more action oriented (i.e. the list), reading industry publications and trying to apply them, making an attempting to improve the way the company works, reading in the success stories of others trying to get inspired. Usually that can carry me through the first half of the day; by the second half, I am feeling beat down, tired, and depressed. And always, at the back of my head, is are the thoughts "This is for naught" or "There will be more of the same tomorrow."
How does one break out of the seeming tar pit of a stale career?