And lo, October is upon us.
The advance of the seasons is weighing heavily upon me this year. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it is simply because of the move and the fact that "seasons" here seem to mean a very different thing (Rain? In September? Who heard of such a event?) or perhaps it's simply the sense that being removed from so much that is familiar brings the time of renewal that is the Fall into focus.
I have been reflecting a great deal on the situation of my life at the moment - essentially, where I am, how did I get here, and where do I go from here. The harsh and painful reality is that 40 is not coming again - to make plans as if I had the rest of my life at 20 is both foolish and unproductive (as if, I suppose, I had seriously made plans at 20).
Hmm. Seriously made plans at 20. There's the rub - how effective have I really been at making plans for anything? If you've read here for any length, you know that I have often - perhaps always - struggled with goal setting, both the simple act of it as well as a seemingly incessant need to get the approval of others for my goals (ultimately, the approval of God). And here I am, seemingly at a point which doesn't reflect any goals that I might have had.
This situation cannot continue.
I am reminded of this as I look around at my current job and realize that for the bulk of people there, they seemingly have no aspiration or cares of moving on or where they're going -not that there is anything inherently wrong with that, except that it creates the situation that one becomes dependent on one's employer to determine one's career future - and one's employer, as I have found out, can be extraordinarily fickle.
So what do I do about it?
I'm trying to start some things, even if it is as simple as sitting down daily to think about things, to write stuff down, to get a sense of where I would like to go in my life (God Willing). At least have some sense of planning versus blundering into situation after situation.
God forbid next year I'm at precisely the same place.