Thursday, October 29, 2009


New Home weather - at least fall weather - is seeming to mirror my moods of late: something with a chance of change.

I have been struck again this week with how I am dealing with stress and my work environment. I'm not sure why the change has occurred - last week, I felt confident, armed with my list of tasks as I checked them off. This week, there is a major loss of momentum, as I struggle to do the most mundane of tasks while freaking about the state of my industry (something which I cannot impact, by the way). I had alluded to a sense of powerlessness yesterday - that feeling seems to continue on.

In the midst of this, where is my faith in God, the One who says "All things work for good for those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose", the One who is sovereign over the whole universe? How do I incorporate that into my daily life - it's fine to say "I believe God is in control" but hard (at least for me) to implement that into a day of paperwork and meetings of seeming little import - the horror of bureaucratic limbo, generating things that generate other things that end up in a box stored away.

As Otis often reminds me, I am to be a light - but I struggle with the fact that I don't just want to be, I want to do/product something where the output is something meaningful, not just useless administrivia to eventually (or not so eventually) be boxed up and shredded.

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