07 August 20XX +1
My
Dear Lucilius:
Our
Summer continues to grind on; it is one of the hottest ones that I
can remember for some years. Watering has become of critical
importance (and, of course, takes far more time due to the increased
amount). It also pushes up the start of the day as well as the
timing of the day; as I may have mentioned before (and is very clear
now), work after 1300 in the sun is sheer folly (especially given the
fact that at least for the current time, anything remotely looking
like skin cancer is going to be incredibly hard to to treat if at all
– I have left my container of liquid nitrogen along with the rest
of civilization). There are always things to fill the time, of
course – but there is plenty of time to talk as well.
This
day, I had the privilege of virtually refereeing a fight between
Young Xerxes and Stateira.
I
have never much probed into their relationship: prior to meeting
Stateira it was never really my business what that looked like and
even now, having married into the family, it remains at best an
involvement where one has to be invited, not puzzle one’s way in.
Nothing worse than in-laws overhanging every exchange of a
relationship.
That
said, Young Xerxes came over this afternoon in a huff as I was
sitting under the trees in back, calculating out dry wheat weight per
person. He sat there, obviously upset about something, while I
finished out my calculation. Pompeia Paulina mysteriously
disappeared without a trace in the interval so that by the time I
looked back up, it was only Young Xerxes and myself.
I
raised my eyebrow at him, which serves
as a universal sign for “Tell me your
issues”. Rather vociferously, he let me know.
The
specifics of the argument are both unmemorable and not surprising to
either of us who has been in relationships in the past; a small
argument that got blown up into a larger argument because of the
responses to each other until the words said in the argument became
the point of the argument, not the original item. You recall; we
have had conversations about such things impacting both of us in the
past.
“Unreasonable”.
That was the word that kept coming up. She was being unreasonable
in the argument and his reasoning remained sound and should be the
one that was listened to, because it was the logical conclusion.
We
sat there under the tree, he continuing to pour himself out until,
like a ruptured dam that had run out of spilled water, the words
trickled off and I just listening, beating out a steady time with my
pen and notebook. Finally – almost 40 minutes later by my pocket
watch – he was done. The wind kicked up a bit, rustled the grain
beyond us, drying our skins out with the same sort of force as the
argument had dried out his emotions.
Finally
I said “Is it worth it?
He
regarded me oddly.
“Is
it worth it?” I asked again. “Is winning the argument worth the
rupture in the relationship it will bring?”
“But
I am right!” he protested.
I
nodded. “Set
that aside for a moment. What you described as being “right”
about is a pretty small thing in the scope of what we are living out
now – incredibly small, from my point of view. Look at the bigger
picture: if winning this meant you ruined the relationship with
Stateira, is it worth it? Is the cost of the relationship worth the
price of victory?”
He
sat there, thinking in the sun dappled shade as the wind blew. He
sat there as Pompeia Paulina smoothly drifted over, deposited water
glasses in our hands, and disappeared again without a sound.
“I
suppose not” he finally said, taking a long drink from the glass.
“Your
choice of course” I responded, looking carefully at the glass
rather than him. “But given the state of the world now, the last
thing in the world you probably want or can afford is fracturing the
most basic relationships that you have. Trust me when I say that the
argument itself will be forgotten before long, but if you do not go
back today – now – and make it right, the feeling of that
argument will last forever. And that is something, I can assure you,
you can neither afford nor want to live with.”
He
sat there for some moments more looking into the glass then looked up
at me, nodded, and got up, heading back towards the gate and his
house. I sat there, looking at anything but his back as he left.
When a man is in the process of being humbled, there is no need to
rub anything else in.
A
few minutes later Pompeia Paulina came out and sat in the chair that
Young Xerxes had vacated. “All well?” she asked.
I
nodded. “I think so. Young people being young people, thinking
that being right is always more important that the relationship.”
She
laughed. “Is that why you never argue?”
I
shook my head and smiled. “It is more just being painfully aware
of how incredibly wrong I usually am.”
It
is easy to be a good companion, Lucilius, if one knows one’s own
limits and values the relationship above all else.
Your
Obedient Servant, Seneca