Today, as it turns out, is our wedding anniversary. We are now firmly into the mid-30's.
---
Wedding anniversaries are interesting things.
If you were to consult your local InterWeb search page, you would find that 58% of couples that were married in the 1990's are still married (42% divorce rate), so already the odds are not great to make it this far. This is reflected in my own circle of acquaintances: many of my friends, including some of my most significant (The Director, La Contessa, Uisdean Ruadh) divorced from their first marriage. It is not that any of them were at fault; it is just the way that it happened.
(Interestingly, the same statistics claim that people married in the 2000's and beyond are more likely to be married. One wonders if that is due to the fact that they simply have not racked up enough years yet).
I suppose if you were to interview those marriages that ended, the stories run the gamut: people changed, a bad match to start out with which did not improve, really bad things (fortunately I know directly of none of those stories in my group), people were bored, they needed to find themselves, etc. In that sense to me it is an odd thing: of all the human endeavors that we enter into, marriage is almost universally the one that everyone assumes starting out they will be successful in. No-one gets married to have a marriage end, let alone badly.
Yet, they often do.
---
At this point, I suspect the typical written work would have a part about "How your marriage has survived the years" with "10 top tips" or some such thing. If I think about it, I do not know I have that kind of list at my disposal.
Marriage is hard. It is lucky for most of us we do not realize how hard it is starting out, as I suspect many would simply give up at the beginning. Love - or at least the love that seems to start most marriages - will almost inevitably cool. At that point commitment to one another has to take over at some level. Without commitment to the other and to the marriage vows, those things we promised, the rest - shared interests, shared stuff, shared pets, shared children, shared life - is likely not enough.
Does God help this mix? I am a Christian and of course I believe "Yes", but the reality is that there are deeply committed marriages (some that put Christian marriages to shame) that are agnostic in nature. Certainly the model God gives us in His relationship with the Church models the sort of love and commitment (And forgiveness. Lots and lots of forgiveness.) that the marriage relationship needs. And, from my point of view, without God involved I doubt I would have made it this far.
And, of course, a sense of learning what truly matters and what does not, what is worth standing one's ground on and what is not, what is simply the quirks of the person that we married that we chose not see at the time but were always there (I have many of these).
---
The day itself will be pretty unremarkable. I have work as I always do these days; The Ravishing Mrs. TB will take care of some things around the apartment. In the late afternoon we will go out for a "fancy" dinner at a restaurant recommended by coworker. All things being equal, we will probably be home by 1900.
We have forgone the "expensive and expansive" gifts (Thankfully; apparently we are in the "gems" category of traditional gift giving, so this represents a real savings). Likely we will find something we can do together to celebrate.
Which is fine, of course. If anything, anniversaries are sign of quiet commitment that lasts, not the flashy commitment that does not.