"The lord whose is the oracle at Delphi neither utters nor hides his meaning, but shows it by a sign." - Heraclitus
Drawing of The Sacred Way of Delphi:
(Source)
An informational plaque on the Temple of Apollo at Delphi as it was possibly then.
"The lord whose is the oracle at Delphi neither utters nor hides his meaning, but shows it by a sign." - Heraclitus
Drawing of The Sacred Way of Delphi:
(Source)
An informational plaque on the Temple of Apollo at Delphi as it was possibly then.
I am trying to find balance.
It is a thing I am sorry in need of at the moment. Part of it, I have come to realize, is due to a lack of sleep - not so much volume (there is that) as it is sleeping through the night. There is more often than not a dull zombified feeling as I go about my work day. I certainly have not been the sharpest that I could be in the last 4 months or so.
But it seems beyond that as well. As it turns out, I deal with change poorly (this, I knew). What I did not know is that change would be forced upon me by default. It has thus impacted my entire life.
I can try and schedule my hours out to the most minute degree, but the reality is I do not work well that way. I never have, really: I am one of those people that does not do well rushed. I can do it - but like I have found in my workouts, it just becomes something I rush through to get it done, not to actually do it.
This rather large love of free range hours does not accord well with my current circumstances.
This seems to leave me with two options: either accept that everything is going to be done poorly and rushed, or scale back things to my available time to do them. And the first, it turns out, does not work.
Practically speaking, that means narrowing my focus on what I do.
The good news (if there is good news here) is that my schedule is pretty fixed at this point. I know what days I have Iai class and what days I will most likely work at Produce (A)isle and when I am likely to leave my regular job. All of that reduces of the overall time, but it lets me know what I have available.
The trick, it seems is adapting what I do to that.
What it has practically meant is stopping (hopefully temporarily?) a great many things. More things have become fewer things. Fewer things have become things I can comfortably spend time on.
I am not thrilled by this development directly, although at some level I feel as if I have been smacked upside the head by God if for no other reason than my attentions have been scattered everywhere instead of in the places that matter (insert standard scattered light versus laser analogy here). It has also meant giving myself the freedom to do some things less well or even not on the periodicity I would like and leave some time for, frankly, just having time.
Is this permanent? I am not sure. There is nothing that suggests the situation is going to correct itself in the near term. And maybe that is okay: perhaps I am at a time where that kind of focus really needs to happen for that core group of things I have identified.
After all, as the old saw goes, we cannot all do everything.
We seem to have entered a lull on Produce (A)isle in business; this last week I was the only closer. In one case I saw the person I was taking over for; in the other I was completely on my own.
Closing alone is, on the one hand, not a great deal different from closing with more employees. It is helpful if the day shift has loaded up the shelves and bins so that there is less that I have to restock; I can get by with one main sweep of each area (with the exception of the tomatoes and bananas, of course). Likely some things that could get done do not get done - although freaking myself out about this a bit, I have just accepted that there is only so much I can do and I assume my manager knows it.
On the other hand, closing alone can be a very different experience.
The biggest sense is that you are alone - no, not alone in the store as obviously there are other employees in the store, but alone in your section. Except for the occasional personal shopper, no-one really comes by. It is as if the aisle ways that separate Produce from other departments were great water ways over which no-one can cross. Even in my limited runs away - to the trash compactor and box compactor, to the back - it is if there is a bubble that exists, an invisibility screen that shields me from view.
As a person that tends towards introversion, it is not necessarily the worst thing in the world - after all, it is not as if I spend endless time talking with my coworkers - but given that I have a very part time schedule, it does very much leave one with the sense of being alone.
I presume as the holidays begin to kick into gear the work will scale up again (at least, I hope it does - if it does not, we have a separate set of issues) and evenings will begin to filled with some level of other employees. But I do find it surprising - and potentially telling of modern employment life - that even in the midst of people and fellow employees, one can still very much get the sense of being alone.
22 June 20XX+1
My Dear Lucilius:
My rising in the morning was later than anticipated, especially given I was in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people; a long hard march apparently does that for a person. The sounds in the gym were small but present, small groups of men and women gathered in circles as the sunlight cast itself through the high windows of the gym.
After a quick splash of cold water outside behind the gym, I betook myself of the breakfast for the day: someone had set up a natural gas hotplate and pot in which wheat berries were slowly steaming away (dryland wheat, you will recall, is a thing here). A bowl of that plus a fistful of dried fruit and tea constituted the meal.
As I ate, Blazer Man came and sat down. A group had already left early in the morning on a scout with an undetermined return date. Our “orders” were to clean and prepare our weapons and be ready to head out on short notice.
Prepare my weapon. I can clean it, but that is about all I have every done to it.
That said, it was the one task I could do – and 30 minutes later I found myself sitting cross legged, pulling out my cleaning kit with my rifle. The frustration on my face must have been apparent as a younger woman – maybe in her 30’s? - came by and politely asked if she could offer any assistance.
I responded that I would happily take any assistance offered.
It was clear within 3 minutes that she knew her way around firearms very well. She asked me about its history as she worked it down, essentially “field stripping” – I believe that is the term – the rifle, showing me parts I had never seen in all my life. I asked her as she worked away how she had come by such knowledge. She was rather vague in her explanation – “just something I picked up on videos” was her response.
The process was undoubtedly longer than it should have taken due to my constant asking of questions, but it still got done. My rifle appeared not too much different from the outside, but I had seen what it now looked like on the inside.
She did me the courtesy of checking my ammunition – that, at least, garnered some level of approval – and insisted on readjusting my strap, making stand there for all the world like a model as she shifted things back and forth until a smile indicated that she was satisfied. Walk with it for a while, she instructed, and come see me if it does not fit.
And so I spent the remainder of the morning walking back and forth in the gym, even jogging a bit, to see how it felt. Nor was I the only one; there were a fair amount of us making the rounds back and forth, a sort of slow motion basketball game with no score.
After that? We waited Lucilius, we waited.
Waiting can be such a different sort of thing. Time flies when it is towards something we wan; it drags when it is something either bad or unknown. Ours was the latter case of course, and so we sat there in a very slow time bubble.
People dealt with it different ways. Some sat about talking, some played cards, some napped. Young Xerxes had apparently found friends he knew and so was off visiting. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Pompeia Paulina had slipped The Peloponnesian War into my bag without me knowing; I spent the afternoon reminding myself of all the follies of mankind as observed 2500 years ago and still going strong.
Dinner was a repeat of breakfast. Still no sign of the scout party. Time was indeed dropping slow.
We had all the time in the world, Lucilius, and yet we all knew that when the moment came there would be no time at all.
Your Obedient Servant, Seneca
And began working our way up the streets.
This is a sort of odd overlook view, but this is someone's garden below street level:
Looking across to the Peloponnese: