Rather Tired

 

I have to confess I am rather tired.

This weekend was another trip back to The Ranch to do my now-monthly round of check-in. Originally I had elected to try and make this a one day trip, but after thinking of the opportunity to see my Aunt Pat again, it made more sense to try to extend it to today. 

An early flight - up at 0315 on a Saturday, one hour flight to Old Home, then grabbing the truck that my sister had left in the parking garage when she left the night before for the weekend, then breakfast with my cousins, then up to The Ranch and visiting my Aunt and Uncle....and that was all before noon.

(My Aunt has restarted chemotherapy.  That said, she was happy to see me and was definitely involved in the conversation.)

After that, it was time for chores.  Opening up the water lines on the toilets to flush the bowls, realizing that there was no water, going down the hill to bump the pump to get  it started, then waiting for things to fill up.  Checking for any leaks or critters in the house (thankfully still no critters, and only the evidence of the one roof leak which has not leaked since this Winter).  Weed whacking the weeds directly around the house.  Visiting with The Cowboy and The Young Cowboy.  Making a drive down the hill to donate books and get a new battery for the Gator (which is still not work, although it at least turns over - alas, for another visit).  Going through items one more time to see if anything else can be moved to the donate pile.  Dinner with Uisdean Ruadh.

The following morning, rising earlier (because it is light early) and finishing a book in silence.  Breakfast, vacuum, reclean the toilets, talk a walk down the road, and then back to the airport to park the car for my sister (ironically enough, she saw me in line waiting to get on a plane just as she got off and we talked for a bit).  Flying back to New Home 3.0 and inevitably arriving a little late - just late enough that I could not make it to Iaijutsu class for the week.  Then, of course, catching up on the remaining chores at home (grocery shopping, interacting with a grumpy rabbit that was not happy I was gone for 1.5 days).

And, of course, trying to get yogurt started for next week.

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This flow of events is now fairly typical for my once a month visits to The Ranch.  The exhaustion is too; so much so that I have largely booked single day visits for most of the rest of this year in the hopes that I can get the chores I need to get done in half a day, come back home, and give myself a full day to recover (as well as get to Iaijutsu class on a regular basis).  

If anything, this sort of thing makes me glad that things happened at the end of 2023/early 2024 the way that they did: I cannot imagine trying to do this now with my mother still alive and having the bulk of the decluttering ahead of us.  

The ability to go and stay for a week and work remotely while they were alive was always something of the equivalent of a hothouse flower living in an arctic environment:  an artifice which was made possibly by a number of factors including The Plague, work from home, a job that allowed me (twice) to be remote, and a fully stocked house to do it in.  None of the factors exist anymore and even if some of them did, the simple fact is that there is no more Interweb there (not surprising, considering what it cost).

And while I am still grateful I am able to go there at all, it is surprising to me how much a thing changes when it comes to feel more like a chore than a joy.

Graduations, Home Goings, And Drives

This past weekend I traveled back to New Home 2.0 to see Nighean Bhan graduate from her Master's program in Clinical Speech Pathology.

There were two ceremonies, one for her specific program (about 30 students) and one for her College within the University (a great deal more than 30 students).  Each ceremony took less than two hours, which is about the amount of time I am willing to sit comfortably for such things.  The specific program graduation was a bit more personal and very well done; the larger college graduation at least moved along quickly and we were spared the spectacle of a Keynote Speaker. Following the graduation, we had a pleasant dinner with her, The Fiancée, The Fiancée's mother, and some friends of Nighean Bhean and The Fiancée. 

She now has an "M.S." after her name, followed by a lot of other letters.

As of this writing, she had at least one and possibly two job interviews.  I suspect she will seamlessly move into the "work world" without incident.

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Returning to New Home 2.0 was about as odd as I thought it would be.

It is odd returning to a house that you lived in for a decade or more and. while still technically yours, has a mixture of your stuff and other stuff.  It is odd driving on roads that you drove on for years and, even in the 5 months since I returned for Christmas, finding buildings (mostly apartments) springing up like wheat.

Seeing people was the usual way it is with these things:  A lunch with former coworkers that was unfortunately canceled due to the sorts of things that happen: unexpected trips, rescheduled appointments, the work conflict that suddenly arises.  We always swear we will get to it "next time"; I have no idea when next time may come. 

On the bright side, I got to spend part of the evening with my friend who is the director of the rabbit shelter I volunteered at.  We had a really nice visit and it was good to see the bunnies.

I have one more trip planned next month for Iai training; after that (and barring incident), I have no idea if I will be back before Thanksgiving or Christmas (or if at all for those two holidays).

Which, I suppose, if fine.  New Home 3.0 is where we live now.

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As you read this, The Ravishing Mrs. TB and Nighean Bhan are on a cross-country trip bringing her car from New Home 2.0 to New Home 3.0.

They are taking a leisurely trip, stopping at some National Parks, making a visit to my Mother-In-Law, picking up Nighean Dhonn on the way, and then heading up here to be here for Memorial Day weekend.  

Getting her car here will be another rather large dot in the relocation - beyond the room we are "renting" in New Home 2.0 and a new storage locker that has some of the things we could not move here, life will be here.

New Home 2.0: The Great Arrival of The Ravishing Mrs. TB

 Today marks the formal arrival of The Ravishing Mrs. TB.

For the record, this brings us together (more or less - see below) after approximately 10 months of living apart.  Not consistently, of course - I had made a few trips back and she had made a few trips here and we met at least one time at third location (San Diego).  But by and large, we have been apart.

I have to admit it will be a little bit odd to have someone living in the house with me again.  10 months is enough time to develop your own habits and ways of living -  - my meals, for example, are probably atrocious by the standards of dining in that they tend to consume as little time as possible to make and eat.  And while most of the things are put away not everything is and I have become comfortable living with the disarray (That, also, will likely change).

I say more or less - she is going back to New Home 2.0 in February to take care of some last things before the move, then will be gone a few days in March, then down to Old Home to help her mother, then out to New Home in May, then in June... you get the idea.  "Great Arrival" does not mean "Final Arrival".

It also means - by default - that her former employment will have ended.  Fortunately through my relocation, she has a twelve month support program for resume help and a job search - although she has joking referred to the upcoming year as her "adult gap year".

Still, after 10 months, it will be nice to have here.  Although, I suppose, I will probably have to sit down and really "eat dinner" again...

Hammerfall 3.0: One Year On

 Due to what has become the typical schedule for posting here, I note that the anniversary of Hammerfall 3.0 occurred this past Wednesday, 11 December.

In general I do not specifically mark my three Hammerfalls (other than my failure at The Firm of course, which resulted in the firing of myself by myself and gave us the Annual Day of Failure every 02 August) as I found for such things that maudlin recollections of the events year after year is neither good practice nor a good use of time.  Given the fact that it was the first anniversary though, there is likely no harm in just reflecting for a bit.

If I had to look at the year since that event, I think the hallmark would be "change" - change in ways that I could not have imagined on the 10th of December last year.  Life is like that sometimes, month or years where nothing changes at all and then - suddenly - the world seems to shift out from under one's feet.

One thing that strikes me in a dark humour sort of way is that this was the sort of thing that I had been asking for, in a backhanded sort of way.  We had wanted to move closer to Old Home and had made a passive go of it through occasionally looking for a job, but was always somewhat hampered by the fact that we had commitments (largely Na Clann, to make sure they got through school).  Suddenly, dramatically, we were given the ability to relocate - might I say "pushed" - in a way that was both unexpected and for which we had to pay nothing.  But it was only after going through all the possibilities of either finding on-site work or remote work in New Home that this happened - in a real sense, at the end of the rope.

The second major thing that strikes me is the fact that in almost every way, my life was upended.

I have written on this before, but the fact was that I had a very well developed schedule in New Home.  I had my activities and my participations and - for a time - a second job at Produce (A)Isle, with every day mapped out to the activity.  I had no "free time" to explore new things or do something different because my schedule was so full.  Miraculously with the move, all of that was instantly cleared away (but with a twist of course; for example the ability to still train at a dojo in my martial arts style or have an ability to engage with other rabbit rescue organizations).

The third thing that comes to mind is simply the evidence of God's hand in this.

It has been evident in every Hammerfall I have experienced:  In the first Hammerfall, we were relocated at the company's expense and I started the month before we would have had serious financial difficulties.  For Hammerfall 2.0 I had plenty of warning and was provided with a job within six weeks of my departure.  For Hammerfall 3.0 - which to be fair was no longer in duration than the first Hammerfall - we again were relocated at the company's expense and started with an income not too far before it was truly needed.

If , to the Christian, these sorts of provision do not blatantly show the hand of God, I have no idea what does.

Change is never easy, and sometimes the change we need to make is the hardest of all because we become comfortable and ensconced in our daily lives.  It is at times like that, it seems, that God can move most readily and effectively simply because, with the stripping out of all the security and sameness of what we have known, we have nothing but Him to rely on to make a way.

And He does indeed make a way, if it is not the way that we always anticipate.

An Unanticipated Ending

Sometimes, the unexpected happens.

One of the plans in the The Great Relocation 2.0 was that The Ravishing Mrs. TB, when she relocated here, would be going from full time to part-time work.  This had been discussed much earlier in the year and had been agreed to by her employer.  Her employer had been low-key advertising for a replacement.  As you might remember in November, she had officially let them know that her last full time day would be on or about 31 December 2024.

This past week, she was notified that in fact she would not be needed part-time.  They are outsourcing the entire job (at some point; this is still being worked out - which in itself tells me this was a bit of a last minute decision).

She has been in this position for over 10 years, so this surprises me a bit that they are doing this at the last minute.  And sadly for her, instead of a rousing sendoff I fear she will simply slip away after her last day without fanfare - to my mind a somewhat poor ending to a 10 year relationship.

I am not going to say this throws the whole world into disarray - it does not; I had started planning a bit for this about three weeks ago when she mentioned she had overheard a conversation that this might be a possibility.  Still, a possibility is one thing:  actually coming to the time when the thing is supposed to happen and it does not is entirely something else.

For various and sundry reasons, it will likely be a bit before she can take a job here in New Home 2.0:  A relocation drive, followed by a period of time away (pre-paid of course, so the money is non-refundable) and having time available to help her mother with some aspects of life following her father's death, will push things out a bit.  And while it might be a squeaker for a bit, we should be okay - we had been economizing anyway and this will just drive that process even more.

On a larger scale, it does make wonder how much of this happening everywhere (as you might recall, Hammerfall 3.0 happened during this month as well):  places getting to the end of the year and realizing that they have to economize, which in turn means impacting others.

In so many ways, it seems like our lives are being dramatically upended as a result of this move with a finality that I had not truly anticipated.

Thanksgiving 2024

As is customary for this time of year, I present below the original Thanksgiving Proclamation of 1789.  

Every year as I do this, I realize how much I have had to be thankful for  especially this year, as The Ravishing Mrs. T.B., Nighean Bhan, and Nighean Dhonn are spending it here with me this this year in New Home 2.0.

A Blessed Thanksgiving to you all.

George Washington's 1789

Thanksgiving Proclamation

Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor; and Whereas both Houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me to "recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:"

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enable to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for all the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have shown kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand, at the city of New York, the 3d day of October, A.D. 1789.

- http://www.wilstar.com/holidays/wash_thanks.htm

A Staged Relocation

 As we continue to march towards a date both of semi-separation for The Ravishing Mrs. TB and her job as well as the plan to get things up here, one forgets how much one gets bogged down in the details.

She was undecided whether to transport her car or to drive.  She has made the decision to drive, as there are some things that could not fly (and you cannot transport a car with anything in it).  It will easily be a four to five day drive, although hopefully she will not have to rush to get here.

That still leaves a number of things in the house and garage, most of which will have to be moved into a storage facility or donated away on local buy nothing groups (amazing how much one can accumulate in 30 plus years of marriage).  I will likely give things a once-over for one last time when I visit for Christmas.  Hopefully a lot of it will go, but some of it will stay.  Which will then, most likely require the services of a storage locker.

That is one of the unanticipated outcomes of this method of moving that we have arrived at, stretched out across multiple locations and multiples states. We have stuff at The Ranch, stuff in New Home, and stuff in New Home 2.0.

I am beginning to feel a bit like a multi-national corporation with locations.

What all of this means, of course, is that even after she has relocated, we have not really "relocated".  On one hand that is okay - after all, we live in a space much smaller than what we used to live in and thus we cannot have everything here.  At the same time, it does mean that at some point, there will be at least one long trip from New Home to bring things up (I say one; any furniture is likely beyond ability or willingness to move at this point, let alone in a truck half way across the U.S.).

Relocation in stages is not something I had specifically planned for.  I am of course grateful that the lion's share was taken care of for us.  It does not mean I enjoy the remaining hyena's share one bit.

The Relocation Date Of The Ravishing Mrs. TB

 We have a date for the relocation of The Ravishing Mrs. TB.

This has been a bit of a longer decision making process than she (or I) likely imagined 8 months ago when we came out here for a house hunting tour. Part of that was due to the fact that she wanted to give her work as much notice as possible about her impending relocation.  Another was the simple fact that she still has a life going on there, both with Na Clann and her own interests, that needs to be wound down.  Third is that with her relocation and going to part time, it will change our finances and there was some sense in delaying that as long as we could.

Still, delaying something is not the same as letting it run on forever.  Final details are still to be worked out, but sometime in the middle of January 2025 she will be here on a more or less permanent basis.

I say "more or less".  Given the recent death of The Master Sergeant, it is quite likely (and we have discussed it) that she will be spending chunks of time at her mother's to help with various and sundry things.  Fortunately the flight - the same flight I take to Old Home now - is only 1.5 hours total, so it is (relatively) convenient.  And being part-time will mean that she has the ability to help her mother in a way that trying to fit it into a weekend visit will not allow (as I have found out myself).

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The relocation comes at an inflection point in our lives:  for the first time in many years we find ourselves largely without the responsibility of children or a house (well, I mean there are still some financial obligations, but none of the making sure the children are fed and clothed or mowing the lawn).  Somewhat remarkably, we have not been in this position since before the turn of the century, which is a long time to wake up all of a sudden and find that things are completely different.

What happens next?  As God is my witness, I do not know.  I have been consciously trying to minimize my commitments here beyond church and Iaijutsu to leave space for her arrival, whenever it happened - unlike New Home, I am trying to leave time to do things, not pack my calendar completely full.  Undoubtedly there will be a certain amount of exploring to do, and reconsideration of all the things we have moved, and maybe a more permanent address for a bit.  In a bizarre sense, the world is suddenly our oyster.

How remarkably odd to find out that an enforced relocation has resulted in all kinds of new beginnings.

The Week Of Lasts

 This has become the Week of Lasts.

Yesterday was my last formal day at both Church and the Church Coffee Bar and at the Rabbit Shelter.  This Thursday will be my last day on Produce (A)Isle.  This Saturday will be my last day of Iaijutsu at my current dojo.  Sunday, I will be on a plane - first to Old Home to begin the discussion about my parents' estate (and The Ranch), and then the following Thursday on what will become New Home 2.0.

It is an odd thing, this packing of Lasts into a short time frame.  On one hand it makes the pain of separation bard but fast, the ripping of the existential Band-Aid with the brief pain followed by relief - there is little time to drag on the leaving of things.  There is a date and then this thing ends, and this thing, and so on and so on.

On the other hand, it it feels like a series of great losses in my life.

These activities that are ending are not - with the exception of Produce (A)Isle - recent additions.  I have been involved with these places for ten to fifteen years.  All of a sudden - essentially in the period of two weeks - they are being put to the wayside.  Sure, I may return as a visitor in the coming year and periodically after that - I have been encouraged to do so - but those returns will be different.  One is no longer an active week in/week out participant.  One is a visitor - a visitor with history, but a visitor from the past, a sort of time-traveler that returns to see how things are going without the ability to really change anything.

Over time, the memory of me will fade in all of these places.  I will become "Hey, do you remember...."  If I am exceptionally lucky, I will pass into Institutional Lore, a sort of legendary presence that fewer and fewer actually knew but many know only through the stories told about them.   

Perhaps that is the best of all possible worlds - to live in stories, long after I am gone and the actual events are forgotten.  And, of course, new stories cannot start until the old stories finish.