Changes, Swirling Memories, And Wa

Memories drifting,

autumn's leaves falling to die

shades of Summers past.

The arrival of A the cat last week was not without its own disruptions both here and at New Home 2.0. For here of course, the adjustment of having a cat again where there has been none for the past year.  At New Home 2.0, sadness that he will not be as a regular dweller any more.

This thought dogged me as I made the drive to work this week, leading me to consideration of the last time we were all together.  To my mind that was likely the end of 2020.

Not that 2020 was without its own challenges, what with the Plague and a change in careers.  But it was the last time that - as far as I can recall - everyone was home and all of the pets were with us.

It made me sad as I drove on through the traffic lights and made the turn onto the main road for work.  So much - so very much - had happened in that intervening period of time.  Moves, job changes, deaths, graduations, first careers - all things that over the time, conspired to slowly pull things apart.

2020 me would not recognize the life that I am living now.

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This week, one of my cousins - probably the one I am closest to - let us know that his partner, who has battled cancer for years, took a turn for the worst.  2 weeks at best, 4 weeks at the outside.

We had brunch together in May when I was down to The Ranch.  Yes, there was cancer being battled, but that was not something we discussed at all other than swapping a few jokes about hair loss.  I thought about it this last month, but my visit there took another turn.

My cousin is the son of my Aunt Pat, who was diagnosed with cancer last year.

I cannot remember the last time that side of the family was all in one place.  We are simply too spread out at this point.  Most of that group was present for my mother's funeral in June of 2024;  a perhaps far happier time was for my niece and The Brit's wedding last November.

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There is an inevitableness to all of this, of course: time only continues forward and is merciless.  Things unwind and dissolve and nothing will bring them back into being.  We never truly know or grasp when we have the "last time" for anything (my father in law The Master Sergeant who passed away last October:  when was the last time I had seen him before he went into the hospital?  Not later than the first quarter of 2024, which seems like a lifetime ago now).

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The incomparable Old AF Sarge posted yesterday something called "The Quiet Mind".  If you have not read it, I commend it to your attention.  His discussion of simply seeking harmony resonates with me, perhaps now more than ever.

For whatever reason, change seems to be shredding my reality. That harmony, that  和¹ (Wa), matters more to me every passing day.

The memories continue to drift, driven faster by a world I no longer understand.