A Year Of Humility (XXIV): Words

 One of the things that coming up (effectively) from the individual contributor level to a managerial level creates, for better or worse, is the ability to see both sides of any work related equation.  This struck me in spades this past week in an issues meeting.

The nature of meeting itself is not important (and, sadly, falls into the "confidential work category" that I cannot discuss).  What I can discuss, and what is the outcome of the meeting, was the very clear and distinct line between those that were directly involved in the problem and those that were not.

Those that were involved had created a presentation describing the problem and the potential solutions. Those that were not are in theory to review the issues, make suggestions, and endorse a course of action.  At the end of meeting an action plan was endorsed - but the way that those who presented left feeling the meeting was hardly the sort of thing that any leader would have called a victory.

Why?  There was a very clear split in the meeting between people that did not have to deal with the problem and their proposed solutions and questions and those who were on the proverbial front lines that had to deal with the problem.  For one group is was a theoretical concept to be argued and picked apart; to the other, it was a problem that they needed a real solution to and were given anything but that until right at the end.

In the end, those involved left angry and hurt, feeling very much unheard and their work unappreciated.

---

It probably feels like a bit of a stretch to link a work meeting to humility. And yet I have to ask myself, how often do I or have I considered how my words land on others?

Having been at one point in what one could only laughable call "executive management", I am well aware that having a position can impact how people hear your words.  Items I thought were ideas became requests. Anytime I asked for something, someone would immediately do it, even at the cost of the work that they were currently working on.

And I remember the other side as well, where a request was something that needed to be done immediately.  Where sometimes trying to convince someone of the problems I was facing as an individual operator was impossible as they had no frame or reference or appreciation for the challenges; "try harder" is no answer to someone that lacks the position to enforce or the resources to enable.

How many times have I missed what people were actually saying in my rush to appear wise or knowledgeable or managerial? How many times have I lacked the empathy - the humility - to look at things from the point of view of people trying to do the things or struggling with the issue?

Not enough, I fear.

An aspect of Humility, I would posit, is the ability to listen with empathy.  Sometimes the problem or issue needs to be solved - but if in our solution to solve it we leave those asking angry or hurt or bitter or feeling unheard, we have likely won the immediate battle but lost the longer war.

After all, people may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you make them feel.