God has been pretty heavily on my mind the last week. Specifically, my relationship to Him and my involvement with Him.
One major issue I have been struggling with. - for at least 3 years if I am fair about it - is my relationship to my current church.
Yes, I know. There are many people that feel that they do not necessarily need a church. Like many things, I can come up with Scripture suggesting that is not the case but would also be lying if I said history is filled with those that did not have a "church" yet were close to God (Anchorites and monastics come to mind). For better or worse, I am not one of those individuals. I need structure and community.
It is not that where we attend now is unfriendly or wrong or bad. Sure, it is a little more charismatic than I am used to and the music is loud (really loud, actually), but inherently 85% of what is preached is not un-biblical (I allow for 15% because I do not believe anyone is spot on 100% of the time, barring being an actual Apostle).
It is just that I am looking at my connection and the impact it is having on my life. And realizing that effectively, it is just the same as if I was not attending church.
There are two solutions of course, either throw myself into it harder or seek another church.
The first...seems unlikely. There is just not a lot of enthusiasm from my side - which is odd in the sense that the people are very friendly and great, I know a fair amount of the staff, and I have never had a truly "bad" experience there. It is just...that it leaves me flat. I feel no connection because of being there, and certainly not a great deal more connected to God.
Which then, of course, suggests I seek another church. Which itself is complicated by the larger discussion of if this is the time to go Home.
What might that look like? I am not really sure. I need something with doctrine and structure (also, music that is a little less loud would be amazing). And I tend to be a bit of traditionalist in such matters, so that almost by default rules out a lot.
The final thing is that, barring some unforeseen circumstance, I would like this to be the last selection in such matters.
In my youth, we attended both Anglican and Lutheran (American Lutheran). Later we attended the ELCA (in its early days), then non-denominational, then Lutheran church Missouri Synod, and now back to non-denominational. Statistically I have 30 to 40 years of life left. I would like to not do this again.
If you are so inclined, I would appreciate any prayers or well wishes for wisdom in the matter.
I remain your obedient servant,