Too Much The Same

One issue that vacations seem to bring up is the simple fact that you have time - time to think, time to ponder, time to consider.  Sometimes such times can be as dangerous as having no such time.

In this time to think and ponder, what I am coming up with is the sense of the sameness of my life and the fact that there seems to be no greater plan. 

My weeks start to run together, the same work filling them.  Looking ahead to next year I only see this year repeated, except perhaps with even less ability to do what needs to be done.  My personal life doesn't seem to hold any more chance of moving forward on any front:  next year's activities will be the same as this year's activities, with perhaps one or two changes only in form but not in substance.

And that thing I was looking for when I was younger, that great sense of purpose, the great plan?  That seems long gone, buried beneath layers of necessities and responsibilities and things I must do. 

So here is the question:  how do I change all this?

I really wish I knew.  I realize that such things as a geographic relocation or even exchanging one career for another are merely another change in font to the novel of my life.  I need something more deeply changing than these, a change of plot and chapter.

But beyond that deep change, I need something even deeper:  I need a change to a sense of hope, a sense that my actions are actually moving my life forward instead of merely keeping it in stasis.  For the present changes and future rushes towards me; unfortunately I seem to remain only the same.