I am not thinking as deeply as I need to be.
This thought came to me last night as I was in the process of journaling, something which I have been far too remiss in following up on in recent days - even as much as the last year. Why when journaling? Because writing in a journal was the origin of all that I end up doing here and other places. Journaling was the place that I began to learn to record my thoughts, to get into the habit of writing things down, and of learning to write out was occurring on the inside.
Why haven't I been journaling as much I used? I came up with three answers, none of which were particular good. One, of course, is that I perform a sort of journaling already through the medium of this blog. Me, the person who always grumbles about relying too much on technology relying on technology. A journal is a physical item to be referred to; a blog is an electronic exercise subject to deletion. An excuse, not a reason.
The second was the fact that it involves writing, which for me is difficult for two reasons. When writing, my thoughts seem to surge ahead of my ability to write them down. As a result, my penmanship (never the best) becomes more and more irregular as I go, making things less and less legible. Typing is quicker than writing, so of course this is the "better" medium. Again, excuses not a reason.
The third was time and place. My journaling ordinarily takes place at the end of my day, just prior to going to sleep. As it is the end of the day and I'm often tired the excuse becomes "Well, I just don't have time for it." Really? Not 10 minutes for a journal entry? Not 10 minutes or more to coalesce the thoughts and inputs of a 16 hour day? To quote Galaxar in Monsters vs. Aliens, "Lame".
Writing - or at least writing the way I would like to write - requires that one is able to get to the core of one's beliefs and thoughts and learn to be able to express them. Too often when I write, I feel like I am merely moving at the surface level of my thinking, that what I should be saying is deeper yet. I yearn to be more in touch with that deeper level of thought and consideration.
But to be in touch with that level is to realize that it comes from somewhere beyond the daily interactions with people and life, whether it be in person or through the medium of this blog. It comes from being able to write freely, deeply, pondering with questions and thoughts which we may never have the ability or courage to ask of or speak others. For myself, that can only come through the seemingly archaic form of placing pen on paper.
And so I need to recommit to the process of journaling on a daily basis. I need to increase the fundamental process of learning to thinking (as Stephen Covey would say "in deep, sustained ways". Like an explorer seeking the purest water, I need to go to the origin of the river to get that which I truly desire.