Wisdom

So the post I put up yesterday about wisdom has been chewing on my mind like a beaver in an old growth redwood forest. I just cannot get away from the thought of wisdom - I know I've heard it put into the terms of instructions for life or applying God's word to life, but I don't know that I've ever seen the connection made between immaturity and maturity in a way that I could readily understand (i.e. could readily apply to myself because hey, I found myself in the wrong category).

So, I said to myself, I'm need of some of this wisdom stuff. I'd better get it. What luck, I have a copy of God's word right here in my house (actually, sort of embarrassingly, I actually have 8 copies of God's word in my house, not counting anyone else's. I have a bit of a book issue...).

I remembered Proverbs 2: 1-9. I'll go there first:

"My son, if you receive my words,
And treasure my commands within you,
So that you incline your ear to wisdom,
And apply your heart to understanding;
Yes, if you cry out for discernment,
And lift up your voice for understanding,
If you seek her as silver,
And search for her as for hidden treasures;
Then you will understand the fear of the Lord,
And find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom;
From His mouth comes knowledge and understanding;
He stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
He is a shield to those who walk uprightly;
He guards the paths of justice,
And preserves the way of His saints.
Then you will understand righteousness and justice,
Equity and every good path."

James 1:5: "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."

Huh. Not precisely the way I wanted to go about it. I am a reader, so I like things laid out in a linear style that tells me what to do. Part of the above does: I am to receive, treasure, incline, apply, cry out, lift my voice, seek, and search, and then - wisdom? Well, not in so many words. I'll understand the fear (reverential awe) of the Lord and find the knowledge of God (which meshes nicely with Proverbs 9:10: "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Also with Psalm 111:10: "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments.").

Still, I'm balking a bit at the next part - it is Lord who gives wisdom. If I'm missing it, I need to ask it. Even the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and I want (and need) a whole lot more than the beginning.

I'm balking as well because it looks like (once again) I'm not the one in control of what I think I want. Sure, I'm given a list of things I should be doing, and a recognition of where to start, but following hard on the heels of that is the statement that God controls wisdom, and if I want it, I should ask, in faith, and wait.

Funny thing though - my pride doesn't want to do that. Which is doubly funny, since my pride often balks at taking God's advice in the first place. Which actually makes a screwy sort of sense: If I won't take Gods' advice as written, it surely means that I won't seek Him out and wait upon Him to give said advice.

Could it be (big ugly look in the mirror moment) that the fact that I feel I lack wisdom in my life is that I am too proud to humble myself before God not just to "take" whatever He gives, but to wait upon Him, seek Him diligently, and then obey what He says?

Oh look - I just think I found a big chunk of wisdom disguised as humility...