Monday, February 16, 2009

License to Skip

This week I took a large step towards closing my past. This week I surrendered my real estate license.

I got the paperwork for renewing this last week. I laughed when I received it: with the previous week of Himself and the Firm, God was getting my attention - yet again. I flipped through it (education requirements plus $120 renewal fee) and suddenly the thought floated into my mind: why don't you just let it go?

The next reaction I had was remarkable to say the least: I resisted the thought and actually thought about renewing it.

I say remarkable, because this is a thing that I have not used in 3.5 years, since the failure of the Firm. Thoughts started floating into my mind: "You should keep it, you could always pick up a little extra money; it's never wise to let something go once you have it; you might be able to use it."

So I laughed at myself. I laughed, because this is indicative of my reaction to giving up anything that has outlived its usefulness in my life: that immediate burst of "I might use it someday". In some respects, my life seems to be a series of accretions from things I used to do that no longer are useful or enjoyable, but simply hang on like barnacles on a ship, weighing it down and cutting its speed while contributing nothing.

"It's time", I said to myself, "for this to stop."

So I wrote a letter:

" To Whom It May Concern:

Please find enclosed with this letter State Real Estate License #. I am surrendering this license as my path no longer lies in this direction.

Thank you! – Toirdhealbheach Beaucail"

I put my license in it, and I mailed it off.

What a freeing thing! For a moment, after I heard the "thud" of the letter hit the inside of the mailbox, my fear and regret tried one more sally: "Let's not be hasty - we can always call, you know."

So helpfully, I shoved them in the mailbox too. They complained a bit, but knowing that I'd not put any postage on them, they'd soon be back.

And so, feeling about 100 lbs lighter, I skipped back to the house.

I finally made a decision. I finally dealt with something.

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