One of our stops on Coconut island was at a small coconut candy factory - really a home based business.
The raw material:
One of the things that I have come late to in life is the understanding of a concept that I call "Transactionalism". My understanding of it in a clear way (I suspect it was always there) was brought about due to a relationship at work.
There was a particular co-worker with whom I had what I would call a "not very good" relationship in that they never seemed to engage on almost anything. At first I took this as a failure on my part - after all, I really work hard to make sure I have a good relationship with almost the entire world - and so I felt initially rebuffed by this. I doubled down on my attempts of engagement, only to find that the situation did not improve at all.
And then I noticed something: when this person needed or wanted something, they always engaged. And then went away again.
It was at that moment - or rather after a series of those moments and by observing their interactions with other people - I realized that this person interacted only when they needed a particular thing. When granted (or denied), they disappeared.
This, I suddenly realized, was Transactionalism.
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Transactionalism (IPA: transactionalism): Interacting with another individual for a specific purpose only (TB Definition)
If I think about it, the idea of Transactionalism is not something that should surprise me. It is something I do multiple times a day in life. I greet people when I am entering the gym or in a checkout line. Maybe we exchange a short "How are you doing"? or comment about the weather, but that is about as far as it goes. We then carry on about our lives.
That said, the more the interaction matters, the more I tend to want to have more of a relationship.
We have been helped endlessly in New Home and at The Ranch with relationships that could have been argued to be transactional - service providers, renters - but were much, much more because of the relationship that surrounded the transaction. We got advice, suggestions, even things we were not charged for because of the transaction.
My assumption - perhaps wrong - is that the more time one spends in contact with a group of people, the less transactional those relationships will become. At some point, at least in my experience, human contact and relationship takes over the "we are in the same space every day and see each other every day). Maybe that is not with everyone - there are almost 200 people at my particular site of course - but there has often been this sort of shared involvement because of purpose or time spent, if nothing else.
But, apparently, that is not always true.
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Understanding this about my colleague made things clearer and easier to manage in my mind.
The relationship for them is and never will be about a relationship beyond work: it is purely designed around "Can I get the thing from you that I need?" If they are seemingly engaged, it is not because there has been a sudden thaw in the relationship: I am needed for something. Likewise if I am not acknowledged for long periods of time, it is not because I have done anything wrong or become odious: I am not needed for something.
To someone who - in spite of introverted leanings - very much prefers at least some level of relationship with everyone no matter what is involved, this is a foreign concept to me. But one I have come to accept - after all, I cannot control anyone but myself.
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It strikes me that Transactionalism makes for a very lonely world devoid of human interaction beyond the most basic of levels - but perhaps, given where we seem to be so often as a society, this is precisely the reason why we find ourselves where we are. Because when everything becomes a transaction, when so many of our transactions now are with automated items like ATMs and websites and self-checkouts, when all of our interactions are based purely and completely on our own benefit, we may in the end reap a great many rewards of efficiency and finance. But I wonder if we lose the emotional side, the side that makes interactions a thing worth having.
In the end, perhaps, the things that makes us human.
(Source)
The full force of Autumn leaning into Winter has arrived in New Home 2.0.
I would date it to this past Sunday upon my return (although apparently Saturday was the same): cloudy, raining, with temperatures in the 50's F/10's C during the day and 40's F/single digit C during the night.
I drove by The Allotment this week to check on things. The buckwheat, my last remaining "Summer" crop, has definitely felt the change in weather. I have one more harvest of seeds there (probably sometime today as you are reading this) and then The Allotment is formally done.
With the change of time this coming Sunday, we will spend our mornings and evenings in darkness.
Welcome, Winter.
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During our visit for my Aunt's funeral, we saw The Cowboy and his wife. Their precise words were "Your mom and dad would have really liked the people at The Ranch now."
Apparently they are taking as good a care of the property as my father did, and even invited The Cowboy to plant his garden there again this past year. They did let me know they repainted the living room (no surprise there; pink was always a bit of an unusual colour even for my father).
Although I continue to be surprised by the lack of regret I have for changing the course of my life and letting The Ranch pass on, it is good to know that the people there seem to love it as much as my parents did.
Another sign that the decision was the correct one.
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The Ravishing Mrs. TB and I have had some tentative further discussions about Retirement.
Although at least 3 years away, we still have to start making some decisions and plans about it now, or at least trending down that path. One of the biggest remains, of course, where we will live. We have talked a bit about moving back to New Home: it is not my fondest choice for the weather and seasons, but financially it makes a lot of sense as 1) We outright own a home; and 2) There are no state taxes there.
It matters thinking about it now because no matter where we go, likely it will involve a move. Which means saving for it - I have no intention of moving anything myself at this point and hopefully, this (wherever it ends up being) will be our last relocation.
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I am becoming mildly concerned about my own personal economy in the years leading up to retirement.
One, of course, is simply the cost of everything right now. In a short sentence, it is definitely noticeable and definitely impacting our bottom line - even more so now that we are changing our thinking to "very fixed income". The Ravishing Mrs. TB is already combing through our lives and our budget to find places that we can economize more.
I am also having low level concerns about my work.
Frankly, it is not a great time for my company. Sure, in terms of our stock price, it is as high as it has ever been. But there are subtle signs: spending on a great many things has been completely halted or pushed to next year and we are already discussing year end ratings with some expectations of the bell curve for ratings (e.g. you have to have a certain percentage on the low end).
It is the sort of subsonic rumblings that one feels rather than hears before the earthquake arrives.
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We are 5 weeks into our Curling Season.
Our "Record" is 1-4 (although they do not really keep league standings). We have managed to at least score every game, which is nice - although to be fair, most games are what would be considered "blowouts" in terms of score (to the point the opposing team stops keeping track).
That said, we continue to improve slowly.
Curling is a subtle sport which involves the ice, the stone, how one launches off the hack (the small rubber starting block) and the sweeping. There are as many variables as any outdoor sport.
One of the nice things we heard this last week was from one of our "coaches" from our introduction class in March who said we are showing a lot of improvement. I do not know that I believe it - but we will be back out on the ice next Monday to try again.
This past weekend we attended the funeral for my Aunt Pat, who passed away in April.
It was a nice service: small and pretty straightforward, each of her children reading something. There was a short eulogy, Communion, and a dinner afterwards. We were done and packed up within 3.5 hours of the start.
The interesting thing to me was not so much the service itself but what it presaged in terms of the future of family gatherings.
My mother's brother is the sole surviving member and/or spouse on my mother's side of the family. He (and I, I suppose) have second cousins that are not far away from the state of Old Home, at least two that I can think of. They were absent.
Of my aunt and uncle's family, all three of their children were there and the two grandchildren. Our other cousin and his family were away (they often are; a combination of an age difference and a difference phase in life makes this a reality).
Of our family, my sister and The Outdoorsman were there, as were my nephew and his wife and The Outdoorsman's sister. The Ravishing Mrs. TB was there, as was Nighean Bhan and The Fiancé. My mother in law and sister in law were there. Absent on our side was The Brit and his wife my niece, Nigheane Gheal, and Nighean Dhonn.
It suddenly hit me that this was how things were likely to be in the future.
This always happens of course - or I suppose at least happens in the modern era. Family moves away and becomes involved in their own lives. It costs a fair amount to travel anymore, so anyone who is likely not close or very directly related may not be able to come.
And so, the ties of family slip away slowly, to be replaced by photos and texts on The Computers In Our Pockets and occasional calls. Perchance a big event may present itself upon occasion - a funeral or perhaps a wedding - but even those are few and far between.
I should be fair though: I, too, have not been around, at like I used to be. After April and the sale of The Ranch, this was my first trip back to Old Home. And at least on the calendar, it will be my last trip back for awhile. Part of that is simply that going now is much more of a production - I will need a pick-up (as I always did), but I will need a place to stay as well for the weekend. Day trips are possible, but long (and they cost just as much as a weekend trip).
I, too, am in some measure drifting away.
Perhaps this is just the way of the world now. But it leaves me with a sadness in my heart as I watch the wisps of memory and interaction drift apart like the leaves falling outside my window in the cold October wind - because I know that, unlike the leaves, these things will not return.
After cruising on and across the Mekong River, we disembarked at an island. Our guide referred to it as "Coconut Island"; I am sure it has a real name but for the purposes of the trip, Coconut Island it will be.
Our last official work party of the Community Garden happened this past Saturday. Part of this part is the prelude to getting the garden ready for Winter. All non-continuing plant material has to be removed and the plot covered in shredded leaves for the Winter.
The last remaining plants when I went back on Sunday to finish up: tomatoes, buckwheat, rye, barley, and a number of leeks.
How did I feel about this year's Allotment experience?
Good, overall. I am offering myself some grace that I came late into it and did not fully know the layout of the plot (especially the sun exposure). The tomatoes were overall successful, although I think two good plants of each would have been better than the 10-11 sad ones I had. My corn was slow growing and a last minute deer attack robbed me of some pretty nice cobs. The dry beans were wildly successfully. Buckwheat has fallen in between.
Still, it is hard to argue with the experiment. At $45 a year and 8 hours of volunteer labor, I get a reasonably sized plot and all the water I can use (Plus, they have a greenhouse to use in the Winter for starting things). The Allotment is stupidly close and gives me an excuse to walk every evening to water.
I am looking forward to next year.
