Pink streaks amidst gray:
Orange and yellow embers shine
on brush green canyons.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Tilting at Windmills
Tilting at windmills,
My gift of spring is overcome
By commercial blooms.
Tilting at windmills,
My gift of commerical blooms
Is overcome by food
My gift of spring is overcome
By commercial blooms.
Tilting at windmills,
My gift of commerical blooms
Is overcome by food
Pink petals are out, white petals are in
In the gradual moving of the season, most of the pink petals - fruitless plums, I believe -are quickly blowing away in the wind. They are now being vividly replaced by white blossoms from other trees (of what kind, I have no idea). They have a characteristic odor of themselves, but are different in that they are mixed in among the leaves.
Spring is well nigh upon us - good from my point of view, as I am looking forward to the bees harvesting their nectar and pollen. Another fine example of a hobby changing how one views life: I cannot think of paying more than a passing attention to such things before, but now I notice them everywhere: the brilliance of the yellow wild mustard (it is everywhere on my commute now), the gentle pre-burst of the ornamental manzinita at our office park (which is good, as there is more manizinita at the Ranch, which makes for good honey - although I have always viewed the stuff as a fire hazard!), the brilliant green of the grass. It is especially scenic driving home from work (when it's actually light), seeing the yellow mustard swaying in the afternoon sun, framed against the emerald green grass amidst the brown trunks of grape vines, preparing their spring burst even now.
It is one of those moments where the entire creation sings in one glorious opening chorus to it's Creator - a strangely appropriate and moving thing in this Easter season, when we celebrate the victory of Christ over death and sin. It's as if, this year, creation raises up the reminder of new life after death even as it prepares for another year of fruitful living.
Spring is well nigh upon us - good from my point of view, as I am looking forward to the bees harvesting their nectar and pollen. Another fine example of a hobby changing how one views life: I cannot think of paying more than a passing attention to such things before, but now I notice them everywhere: the brilliance of the yellow wild mustard (it is everywhere on my commute now), the gentle pre-burst of the ornamental manzinita at our office park (which is good, as there is more manizinita at the Ranch, which makes for good honey - although I have always viewed the stuff as a fire hazard!), the brilliant green of the grass. It is especially scenic driving home from work (when it's actually light), seeing the yellow mustard swaying in the afternoon sun, framed against the emerald green grass amidst the brown trunks of grape vines, preparing their spring burst even now.
It is one of those moments where the entire creation sings in one glorious opening chorus to it's Creator - a strangely appropriate and moving thing in this Easter season, when we celebrate the victory of Christ over death and sin. It's as if, this year, creation raises up the reminder of new life after death even as it prepares for another year of fruitful living.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
A Quick Morning Thought
How does one decide what one wants to be out of the plethora of possiblities of what could be?
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Silence
A silent moment - one child in bed, two away, and the Ravishing Mrs. TB off at a class. It's unusual to have this during the evening. The only sounds I hear are the muted sound of traffic, the low buzz of my laptop as it operates, and an occassional bubble from the fish tank.
I like silence - actually prefer it, in many cases. It's good for thinking. It's also good for praying, reading, and simply being. It' s an overused cliche to say that we live in a noise filled society, but in some cases they are cliches simply because they reflect reality. From my car's road noise, even if the radio is off, to the din of an office, to the noises of a typical house with children, my day is filled with noise. And that doesn't include the things that we often add as background noise just to fill the silence: music, TV, even listening to the mindless blather of others simply to fill the void.
Perhaps we don't like silence because, deeply felt, it reminds us of the fears of dying - or perhaps it reminds us of the emptiness we have in ourselves. It just strikes me as odd that something so seemingly useful is abhorred by so many.
I like silence - actually prefer it, in many cases. It's good for thinking. It's also good for praying, reading, and simply being. It' s an overused cliche to say that we live in a noise filled society, but in some cases they are cliches simply because they reflect reality. From my car's road noise, even if the radio is off, to the din of an office, to the noises of a typical house with children, my day is filled with noise. And that doesn't include the things that we often add as background noise just to fill the silence: music, TV, even listening to the mindless blather of others simply to fill the void.
Perhaps we don't like silence because, deeply felt, it reminds us of the fears of dying - or perhaps it reminds us of the emptiness we have in ourselves. It just strikes me as odd that something so seemingly useful is abhorred by so many.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Sauerkraut and Lemonade
This weekend was one of those that involved working with the world: mowing and edging (my lawn as well as Nighean Dhonn's preschool), overseeding, and using some of what we grew: cutting cabbage for sauerkraut, making lemonade and orange juice from my in-laws lemons and oranges, shelling our corn from last year for culling, saving and planting (and cornbread).
There is something subtle yet satisfying - I don't know what - about using foods that you know were they came from, especially those that were grown by you. It is the satisfaction that, at some level, every gardener, livestock owner, farmer, or brewer/viticulturalist feels when eating their own food. It is the full end of the cycle: you, in concert with nature, helped to grow and raise this food. You known what went into it. You know where it came from. It is like earning a salary at the end of a pay period, but better - you can't directly eat a salary (but you can eat a celery purchased with your salary).
It is, I suppose, what calls people to garden or farm or raise grapes or rabbits or whatever: that call that I can work with nature and produce something of use.
There is something subtle yet satisfying - I don't know what - about using foods that you know were they came from, especially those that were grown by you. It is the satisfaction that, at some level, every gardener, livestock owner, farmer, or brewer/viticulturalist feels when eating their own food. It is the full end of the cycle: you, in concert with nature, helped to grow and raise this food. You known what went into it. You know where it came from. It is like earning a salary at the end of a pay period, but better - you can't directly eat a salary (but you can eat a celery purchased with your salary).
It is, I suppose, what calls people to garden or farm or raise grapes or rabbits or whatever: that call that I can work with nature and produce something of use.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Two Haikus
Thinking to hear snaps
Pink petals feel damp and cool:
My dreams float in wind.
In spring time runoff,
White Heron stately searches
for lunch in brown lake.
Pink petals feel damp and cool:
My dreams float in wind.
In spring time runoff,
White Heron stately searches
for lunch in brown lake.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Chasing DT
You do not know me,
nor would I wish you too,
as there is a certain joy in anonymity.
You are what I perceive as desirable,
or are you?
Do I mistake you for the thing that you represent,
the thing that I truly desire?
In seeking passion, do I confuse it with and settle for desire?
You do not know me,
but perhaps,
I do not know myself.
nor would I wish you too,
as there is a certain joy in anonymity.
You are what I perceive as desirable,
or are you?
Do I mistake you for the thing that you represent,
the thing that I truly desire?
In seeking passion, do I confuse it with and settle for desire?
You do not know me,
but perhaps,
I do not know myself.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Agape
One thing that I have always found difficult about the concept of agape love is how does one keep it from becoming a duty, something one must do?
Agape, if you're not familiar, is the love that we as Christians are called to express to one another. It's the love Christ has for us. It represents a commitment of the will to do the best for the other person, regardless of how one feels. This is in contrast to the other 3 words for love in Greek - Phileo (affection), Storge (Easiest definition is the kind of love friends share), and Eros (Sexual love).
Agape, as the Bible defines it, is the love which is represented by Christ's love towards us: committed to sacrificing Himself on the Cross for the forgiveness of sins. He counted the cost - and went forward.
The struggle I have is that so often agape becomes like a duty. We do things because we made a commitment, because we are committed to the best for others, no matter the cost to ourselves. The point that always breaks over my head is "This is will - but where is emotion?"
At one time I used to be the proverbial "Hopeless Romantic" - at least until I was 23. Then, I had a really bad relational experience, one that left me personally embarrassed and heart. It's odd, but I time out my loss of "emotional romantic love" - that kind of gooey, breathless feeling - to that date. Doesn't mean I haven't had emotion, doesn't mean that I don't love the Ravishing Mrs. TB and the children - but it makes me I've lost something from time to time.
This plays into my first thought, as what at one time might have been done for emotion is now done as a choice of the will. The genesis may be very well different as well - wanting the good for the other, rather than how it makes one feel. The rub comes in that with the second kind, the payback is generally self evident in the process i.e. I give flowers, my wife responds, we have a pleasant evening. In the other place, one may well do something that it a good, and it goes unnoticed or unappreciated - yet in the benefit to the other, one chooses to do the loving thing. Yet without the immediate emotional payback, and continuing to do it, it becomes much more like something which must be done.
I don't have an answer - but sometimes I wonder, where that emotional romantic chap went to...
Agape, if you're not familiar, is the love that we as Christians are called to express to one another. It's the love Christ has for us. It represents a commitment of the will to do the best for the other person, regardless of how one feels. This is in contrast to the other 3 words for love in Greek - Phileo (affection), Storge (Easiest definition is the kind of love friends share), and Eros (Sexual love).
Agape, as the Bible defines it, is the love which is represented by Christ's love towards us: committed to sacrificing Himself on the Cross for the forgiveness of sins. He counted the cost - and went forward.
The struggle I have is that so often agape becomes like a duty. We do things because we made a commitment, because we are committed to the best for others, no matter the cost to ourselves. The point that always breaks over my head is "This is will - but where is emotion?"
At one time I used to be the proverbial "Hopeless Romantic" - at least until I was 23. Then, I had a really bad relational experience, one that left me personally embarrassed and heart. It's odd, but I time out my loss of "emotional romantic love" - that kind of gooey, breathless feeling - to that date. Doesn't mean I haven't had emotion, doesn't mean that I don't love the Ravishing Mrs. TB and the children - but it makes me I've lost something from time to time.
This plays into my first thought, as what at one time might have been done for emotion is now done as a choice of the will. The genesis may be very well different as well - wanting the good for the other, rather than how it makes one feel. The rub comes in that with the second kind, the payback is generally self evident in the process i.e. I give flowers, my wife responds, we have a pleasant evening. In the other place, one may well do something that it a good, and it goes unnoticed or unappreciated - yet in the benefit to the other, one chooses to do the loving thing. Yet without the immediate emotional payback, and continuing to do it, it becomes much more like something which must be done.
I don't have an answer - but sometimes I wonder, where that emotional romantic chap went to...
Thoughts on a Tree by the Road
On a gnarled branch
White blossoms float in sunrise:
Springtime in darkness.
White blossoms float in sunrise:
Springtime in darkness.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Old Friends
Last night I had one of the pleasures that only comes occassionally in this life: introducing my good friends to each other.
We had a Leap Day Party yesterday. Amongst the participants were Uisdean Ruadh and Bogha Frois (As an added benefit, Bogha Frois brought L'Acadien with her). Bogha Frois actually arrived as most of the people were leaving, so we had another good two hours together.
There is simply nothing more delightful than introducing old friends to one another. You get to relive the stories of years and years and actually have someone that hasn't heard them. Generally, if they are your friends, you all have the similar tastes, so you can all laugh together. And as everyone knows, the old stories really are the best stories.
Is this a foretaste of Heaven? Will meeting those that have gone on in victory be the same, sharing stories of our Lord on the battlefield, all united in the love for and mercy of Him?
If it is this pleasurable on earth, what will Heaven be like?
We had a Leap Day Party yesterday. Amongst the participants were Uisdean Ruadh and Bogha Frois (As an added benefit, Bogha Frois brought L'Acadien with her). Bogha Frois actually arrived as most of the people were leaving, so we had another good two hours together.
There is simply nothing more delightful than introducing old friends to one another. You get to relive the stories of years and years and actually have someone that hasn't heard them. Generally, if they are your friends, you all have the similar tastes, so you can all laugh together. And as everyone knows, the old stories really are the best stories.
Is this a foretaste of Heaven? Will meeting those that have gone on in victory be the same, sharing stories of our Lord on the battlefield, all united in the love for and mercy of Him?
If it is this pleasurable on earth, what will Heaven be like?
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
The Obscure Answer to Prayer
So today I march out from work precisely at 3:00 PM, ready to hit the road. I open the car door, pull it shut with the loud finality of being done for the day, insert my key into the ignition, confidently turn it...
And nothing.
Yes, I think my ignition cylinder is shot (there is no resistance - it just turns). Here I am, 55 miles from home, and stuck.
I call the Ravishing Mrs. TB. She has a show tonight, so she need me to be home. How, I ask? My experience last month tells me that even if I call AAA, they may not tow me until the end of their shift. Try anyway, says she.
So I come back in dejectedly, trying to figure out what to do. Spend the night at a co-worker's? Borrow the company truck? Then I realize- a co-worker lives in the same city I do. Maybe he can give me a ride home.
I am blessed twice over - he can, if his supervisor will let him. His supervisor, perhaps noting the whining tone, invocation of my children home alone, and my groveling, agrees. He just has to finish up his task.
He comes at 4:15. I have a little concern, as I know traffic can be a bear, and leaving at 4:30 is a gambling proposition. But again, I am doubly blessed: my co-worker is a talker, and we have a great conversation all the way home; and there is almost literally no traffic. Even with showing me where he lives (about half a mile from me), we still get home in 80 minutes, which is good any time of the day.
Did I handle it as well as I might have? No, not really - I stressed out and ate, and I was a little short with the Ravishing Mrs. TB. Is the car fixed? No, it's still at work, and will have to be towed tomorrow.
God came through again - but as is so often the case, He not only provided, He forced me to take action to demonstrate and practice those things - patience, thankfulness, and kindness - that I have been praying to Him for.
And nothing.
Yes, I think my ignition cylinder is shot (there is no resistance - it just turns). Here I am, 55 miles from home, and stuck.
I call the Ravishing Mrs. TB. She has a show tonight, so she need me to be home. How, I ask? My experience last month tells me that even if I call AAA, they may not tow me until the end of their shift. Try anyway, says she.
So I come back in dejectedly, trying to figure out what to do. Spend the night at a co-worker's? Borrow the company truck? Then I realize- a co-worker lives in the same city I do. Maybe he can give me a ride home.
I am blessed twice over - he can, if his supervisor will let him. His supervisor, perhaps noting the whining tone, invocation of my children home alone, and my groveling, agrees. He just has to finish up his task.
He comes at 4:15. I have a little concern, as I know traffic can be a bear, and leaving at 4:30 is a gambling proposition. But again, I am doubly blessed: my co-worker is a talker, and we have a great conversation all the way home; and there is almost literally no traffic. Even with showing me where he lives (about half a mile from me), we still get home in 80 minutes, which is good any time of the day.
Did I handle it as well as I might have? No, not really - I stressed out and ate, and I was a little short with the Ravishing Mrs. TB. Is the car fixed? No, it's still at work, and will have to be towed tomorrow.
God came through again - but as is so often the case, He not only provided, He forced me to take action to demonstrate and practice those things - patience, thankfulness, and kindness - that I have been praying to Him for.
Prayer Request
A prayer request for The Forty Five community (all three of you...) for Uisdean Ruadh. I spoke with him yesterday and he has need of your prayers. He learned last week that his daughter may be moving to a different part of the state with her mother. He's obviously wondering what to do - what he can do.
Pray for his peace and wisdom as well as peace and wisdom for his daughter and that, in all things, God's will would prevail
Pray for his peace and wisdom as well as peace and wisdom for his daughter and that, in all things, God's will would prevail
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
The Blue Funk
So it seems I'm in the midst of a blue funk. Why, you ask.
I haven't a darn clue.
It could be a multiplicity of factors: tired (I did not sleep well Sunday night); work (nothing big - just tons of petty items that weigh one down); family (probably not - we actually had a profitable discussion on our finances this week); faith (again, probably not); or something else I'm not aware of. The bottom line is I'm listless, not energetic, not optimistic.
Odd, because this is not at all my experience of the last three weeks, when I was feeling optimistic, on target, planning ahead, and hopeful. It perhaps is more noticeable to me now as the absence makes it clear.
I'll be frank - I don't like this. Which is odd, because hitherto, I would have largely defined myself as a pessimist, not a planner, and certainly not proactive.
How do you clear a thing you have no idea where it came from?
I haven't a darn clue.
It could be a multiplicity of factors: tired (I did not sleep well Sunday night); work (nothing big - just tons of petty items that weigh one down); family (probably not - we actually had a profitable discussion on our finances this week); faith (again, probably not); or something else I'm not aware of. The bottom line is I'm listless, not energetic, not optimistic.
Odd, because this is not at all my experience of the last three weeks, when I was feeling optimistic, on target, planning ahead, and hopeful. It perhaps is more noticeable to me now as the absence makes it clear.
I'll be frank - I don't like this. Which is odd, because hitherto, I would have largely defined myself as a pessimist, not a planner, and certainly not proactive.
How do you clear a thing you have no idea where it came from?
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Criticism
One of the abilities of those who are able to succeed in life - whatever their role may be - is the ability to accept and profit from criticism. I firmly believe this. At the root of all criticism - even the seemingly truly underserved - is something which at least should be considered or contemplated, if not thought about, analyzed, and acted upon.
Criticism comes in many forms, whether useful (teacher's comments, employer reviews, anonymous feedback, the comments of friends, or true judges in competition) or not as evidentially useful (personal attacks, bad judges, anonymous feedback, third party critics).
So why can't I deal with it?
It's true. I struggle might with criticism, even the gently administered and contructive kind. I've gotten better, but I still intepret it as a form of personal attack (even from myself).
If I had to give the answer I probably don't want to, it's pride: that gnawing, biting sin that says that I am bettter than the others, that I am (in fact) virtually perfect, and hardly need the help of others (after all, what do they know anyway?). To be corrected, suggested, commented upon, edited, or otherwise receive input in anything but a positive way is not only an attack upon my performance, but upon me. After all, I'm the one whose doing these things.
The remedy? That most difficult of virtues, humility. Admitting one does not know it all, that one can learn from anyone and anywhere, if only we will take the time to do it. That one can always improve no matter what.
That I, even I, do not know it all.
Criticism comes in many forms, whether useful (teacher's comments, employer reviews, anonymous feedback, the comments of friends, or true judges in competition) or not as evidentially useful (personal attacks, bad judges, anonymous feedback, third party critics).
So why can't I deal with it?
It's true. I struggle might with criticism, even the gently administered and contructive kind. I've gotten better, but I still intepret it as a form of personal attack (even from myself).
If I had to give the answer I probably don't want to, it's pride: that gnawing, biting sin that says that I am bettter than the others, that I am (in fact) virtually perfect, and hardly need the help of others (after all, what do they know anyway?). To be corrected, suggested, commented upon, edited, or otherwise receive input in anything but a positive way is not only an attack upon my performance, but upon me. After all, I'm the one whose doing these things.
The remedy? That most difficult of virtues, humility. Admitting one does not know it all, that one can learn from anyone and anywhere, if only we will take the time to do it. That one can always improve no matter what.
That I, even I, do not know it all.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Rain and Planets
Another rainy day - but with a home show in the house, this means I have been somewhat exiled (by choice, I assure you) to the back bedroom. Here, ensconced with wireless internet, a gray and cloudy day, hot coffee, and good music, I write. There is virtually nothing that could be more perfect (perhaps Wheat Thins and a good Cabernet Sauvignon, but I'm willing to tough it out...)
The music I am listening to is something I treated myself to this week, using a 20% off coupon at Borders: Gustav Holst's The Planets. I have enjoyed the work for many years (having been introduced to it in high school), and currently only had it on casette tape. The CD itself was inexpensive - $5.14 after tax. It's always amazing to me how some things which can bring so much pleasure are so inexpensive.
As I wrote earlier, one of the outcomes of my Lenten decision has been to listen to classical music daily as part of my commute. It has been a wonderful experience, one which I intened to continue with. In some small way, I understand why those who love the classics have such problems with modern music. Two things that strike me at once are dynamics - virtually no music produced today has such things - and the structure of the music itself. Chordal structure, themes and counterthemes - little to none do I hear of those today.
Does it helps one's mind think better, as some propose. I'm not sure - but it is certainly a delight to hear!
The music I am listening to is something I treated myself to this week, using a 20% off coupon at Borders: Gustav Holst's The Planets. I have enjoyed the work for many years (having been introduced to it in high school), and currently only had it on casette tape. The CD itself was inexpensive - $5.14 after tax. It's always amazing to me how some things which can bring so much pleasure are so inexpensive.
As I wrote earlier, one of the outcomes of my Lenten decision has been to listen to classical music daily as part of my commute. It has been a wonderful experience, one which I intened to continue with. In some small way, I understand why those who love the classics have such problems with modern music. Two things that strike me at once are dynamics - virtually no music produced today has such things - and the structure of the music itself. Chordal structure, themes and counterthemes - little to none do I hear of those today.
Does it helps one's mind think better, as some propose. I'm not sure - but it is certainly a delight to hear!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Stressed Out
So I've been stressed this week - mostly from work, but also from life in general.
What has been fascinating to observe - perhaps for the first time - is how I deal with the stress. Over the last month, I have been trying to establish some form of regularity and stucture to my life - a schedule of sorts, if you well. What I have found in the last 3 days is that when I get stressed, that structure goes out the window.
How? I eat - a lot. I choose not to do the activities that I have written down, but instead I am somewhat lazy and do the things which take the least effort. All in all, hardly a way to deal with it (and calorie rich as well).
Now the real question: why do I act this way, instead of taking positive action to address the causes of my stress?
If I had to think hard, my suspicision would be that I feel the stress in my life comes from items outside of my control; therefore, I revert to those few things that I feel I can control: what I do and when I do it. The odd thing is, this is partially right: the factors that are not in control can influence my life.
The wrong part is that I have no influence in return.
Dr. Stephen Covey (The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) talks about 2 circles, one inside another. The inner circle would be labeled the circle of influence, the outer circle as the circle of concern. We cannot change the circle of concern directly, but we can change the circle of influence (these are things that we can affect). It is Covey's assertion that as we address items in our circle of influence, it will increase and our circle of concern will decrease and we will increase our ability to control factors in our life.
So back to my problem: I am stressed out at work.
Answer: What are the items I can control? In some cases, nothing can now be done about the past, but I can change the future of these items and programs. Instead of wallowing in my increased heart rate and Ritz crackers, why don't I try to do something to positively affect them? Write up a case study, see where the weaknesses are, prepare to address them?
What items are in your circle of influence? Do you know? Why aren't you addressing them?
What has been fascinating to observe - perhaps for the first time - is how I deal with the stress. Over the last month, I have been trying to establish some form of regularity and stucture to my life - a schedule of sorts, if you well. What I have found in the last 3 days is that when I get stressed, that structure goes out the window.
How? I eat - a lot. I choose not to do the activities that I have written down, but instead I am somewhat lazy and do the things which take the least effort. All in all, hardly a way to deal with it (and calorie rich as well).
Now the real question: why do I act this way, instead of taking positive action to address the causes of my stress?
If I had to think hard, my suspicision would be that I feel the stress in my life comes from items outside of my control; therefore, I revert to those few things that I feel I can control: what I do and when I do it. The odd thing is, this is partially right: the factors that are not in control can influence my life.
The wrong part is that I have no influence in return.
Dr. Stephen Covey (The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) talks about 2 circles, one inside another. The inner circle would be labeled the circle of influence, the outer circle as the circle of concern. We cannot change the circle of concern directly, but we can change the circle of influence (these are things that we can affect). It is Covey's assertion that as we address items in our circle of influence, it will increase and our circle of concern will decrease and we will increase our ability to control factors in our life.
So back to my problem: I am stressed out at work.
Answer: What are the items I can control? In some cases, nothing can now be done about the past, but I can change the future of these items and programs. Instead of wallowing in my increased heart rate and Ritz crackers, why don't I try to do something to positively affect them? Write up a case study, see where the weaknesses are, prepare to address them?
What items are in your circle of influence? Do you know? Why aren't you addressing them?
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