Coming back from a Men's retreat this weekend, I was confronted by the thought of groups and circles of friends.
I do enjoy men's retreats - getting together with 100-200 brothers in Christ around a common theme - God's word - to worship and pray and eat and do activities is always a great thing, and I do not trivialize the experience. Yet at the same time I am struck by the fact that this bond seems both expansive and tenuous at the same time.
I mean, it is a little more held together than Facebook - after all, I would suspect (and hope) I will spend eternity with most of these men. But the relationships are created by a specific event - a retreat, not the day to day act of living.
Facebook or any social media rangers from similar to worse, of course - I can know people because they are actually my "real life" friends, or I can be "friends" because they met me once at a Games or know a friend of a friend...you see where this is going. The relationship aspect can stretch even further than a Men's Retreat.
But a breadth of known people does not always (or maybe ever) equate into the sort of thing that can actually change your life.
Narrowing "The Circle" does three things. The first, frankly, is that it frees you up from constantly having to "engage" in the larger world merely for the purposes of proving to people that you are still alive and involved.
The second - more important - is it allows you to actually build relationships with people - real relationships, with real discussion and real sharing and real involvement. Real relationships bring with them real loyalty - not the sort that says "I am there for you when" but the sort that actually shows up when "when" happens.
The third - the one that I had not thought of until I saw this picture - is that it clears your mind.
A smaller group of friends means that your energy and attention is focused - and it is foolish thing to believe that merely because you have a smaller group of friends that means you are limited in knowledge or scope. Less outside noise and more depth of conversation and thought leads to clarity on a great number of things - the kind of clarity that never appears in the bustle of "likes" and "emojis".
A final aspect - again, one I had not thought about clearly until I read this - was that loyalty generates strength - and I suspect, in the background of every successful changes of the world or culture or society, there was a small loyal group behind it.
My circle has been shrinking for the last 3-4 years - in some ways, probably more than it should have (and I do need to work on that). At the same time, I sometimes now achieve clarity of purpose and life I could never have gotten when I was engaged in a larger, more superficial engagement of people.
I think that an adequate exchange: clarity of vision for a smaller circle of true friends.
I’ve never been to such events. I’ve been invited... but after being through the wringer with people and family in my circle over the last few years... opening up to people in an environment like that...? I find myself wanting to keep people at a distance now...
ReplyDeleteHi TB :) I'm glad you enjoyed your retreat! I agree with you about large circles of friends and acquaintances. At one point in my life I had a great number of friends, friends of friends etc...I never felt a real connection to any of them. Over the years, my circle of friends has become...well, maybe just the half circle lol...I have one or two and that is it. I feel that's all I need, I don't feel pressure to nurture an acquaintanceship, I don't feel forced into socializing...I just enjoy the two friendships I have and it feels better.
ReplyDeleteUnderstood Glen. And I have not always been a fan and frankly, am not very good in these social situations. Fortunately, we have been at this church long enough that I have some individuals who I can hang out with and feel moderately comfortable talking to.
ReplyDeleteThat said, if your church does one, you might try it once. You can always do it never again.
I do not think I could agree with you more, Rain. The friendships I have gotten (and continue to get) the most out of are very few and far between indeed.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, blogging acquaintances seem to hit the right level of contact and involvement with me.
I think single sex meetings are refreshing as they do not involve the complications that come when men and women get together, after all, in my view, men and women come from different plants and most of the time neither of us understand the other, so to have time with only the same sex can be challenging but at the same time relaxing, this I have learnt through my precious two hours a week at my 'all ladies' knit and natter group.
ReplyDeleteI have come to understand that we are complicated beings and even to understand the complexities of our own selves is a life long task.....
Vera - Perfectly said! There is a different energy (at least in Men's gatherings) than in dual gatherings - not that it is bad of course, just different. And in an odd way, relaxing.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I am coming to comprehend that understanding our complexities will probably extend longer than we live - or as my Sensei says about Iai, it is a life long challenge.