Middle Age Madness: Restating Goals

Yesterday I noted how I had come to understand how Middle Age Madness - that depression caused by the gulf of a man's aspirations and dreams and goals versus his life as it actually is - can come to be a factor and equally, how our society as a whole tends to ignore it, pretend it does not exist, or simply countenance it as "guys being guys".

Surely there is a solution here, one that is practically applicable.

In reviewing my own gulf, I realized that it was not that I never had goals - I set them every year - but the goals that I set and how I came about choosing them.

In the past, my selection process has always be around one of a series of paradigms:   The Rule of Five (in that we have a limited ability to focus), The Seven Traits of Personality, or simply making a list.  In each and every case, no matter what the model, I realized that they all contained the same inherent flaw:  they were a mixture of degrees of control.

I have set grandiose goals in the past around finance or career, for example -  numbers that I was going to hit or debts I was going to pay or positions I was going to reach.  What I realized is that I only have partial - or very little - control over such goals.  I can make all the efforts in the world but if they are dependent on other factors outside my control, my chances of accomplishing them can range from "possible" to "absurdly likely to fail".

On the other hand, the goals that I was most successful at achieving were the ones that were 100% under my control.  My weight, for example:  I 100% control my caloric intake, my exercise, and my aerobic practices.  A failure to meet such a goal means that I have 100% failed, as those factors are within my control.  Or Iai as another example:  I control how much I practice and how much effort I put into learning the katas.  I am 100% responsible of my success or failure in this area.

And so on.  Looking at my goals, I realized that I had stated those that I can completely control and those I cannot with the same force of words and expectation of achievement.  Thus, when I do not achieve those things that (due to something being outside of my control) I could never achieve, I become depressed.  Make and lose enough goals that way, one's life becomes devoid of meaning.

(In passing, I wonder if this is another factor of Middle Age Madness:  the fact that the activities that are chosen are 100% under the control of the individual).

The solution?  Start reviewing and restating goals.

I started this over the weekend, going through my list of goals for 2018 and ruthlessly cutting down or out anything which I could not completely 100% control.  The result was that I was left with a smaller list of goals, but one that is a great deal more achievable.

I do not wish to pretend that somehow restating goals is the cure to Middle Age madness.  To say so would be simplistic as there are many other factors (relationships, career, income) which contribute to such a thing.  But neither do I wish to pretend that nothing can be done, or at least attempted.  Perhaps my goals will become a bit less grandiose and more pedestrian for the remainder of my years - but it is equally certain I have a great deal better chance of attaining them.