Yesterday morning I had a selfish prayer request.
I try to not ask for anything for myself, because somehow it seems...small. Self focused. Not the place my attention is supposed to be. But the matter had been gnawing away at my mind and I did not see a resolution.
"Father", I asked, "can I please have the money to go to Japan to train next year?"
Self-centered, right? But strangely enough, important to me. I had to miss going a year ago and I would very much like to go next year as part of my development.
So I prayed. And went off, having forgotten about it.
Fast forward to the afternoon, when my boss presents me with a raise and a bonus. And not just a raise and a bonus, a raise and a bonus based on if I had worked there a full year, not five months. It was, shall we say very generous.
And then the prayer request came into my mind.
I am not (and have never been) a believer in the "pray and believe and it is yours" group (that whole "according to God's will" section always trips them up) nor am I of the "materialize your desires through positive thinking" crowd. I have no reason to suspect - nor do I believe - God will constantly do this for any us.
So why this? Why now?
If I had to theorize, I would thinking that God is playing to my own insecurities.
I am awash in feelings of discomfort and fear right now. There is so much instability in the world, so much anger, so much hatred. So much uncertainty. And into this comes God, not with the glaring answers to world problems but a mundane answer about money - as if to say "If I can answer this, surely I will deal with the rest in My own good time."
Perhaps the gift of money was really meant to answer a bigger need - the continuing belief and confidence in God's sovereignty.
I dunno anything about all that TB. I am flirting with Christianity myself - my wife is a full blown convert. I'll submit this for what it is - it's probly worth less than what ya paid for it:
ReplyDeleteEarlier in the fall I buggered up my knee something bad. I was hobbling around on it for MONTHS. It was probably a nasty sprain or pull - or just a grouchy old man getting old with his aches and pains.
Every Wed. night the wife goes to a prayer meeting. And apparently, one night they all got together and said a prayer for my knee.
The problem disappeared overnight. I'm not saying God played favourites or that it was a miracle cure and that you should send me your raise and bonus cheque so that I can do God's work - and who knows, maybe it will come back again.
All I'm saying is that you should take a moment today and make a special effort to thank your Maker. He might noT work miracles on demand for us but He WILL do us unexpected favours on occasion.
:)
Oh I do, Glen, I do. I do believe that God gives what we need when we need it for reasons of His own planning. The reason my prayer was answered - or your knee healed (Huzzah) has ultimately to do with eternity, not only with the here and now.
Delete"Perhaps the gift of money was really meant to answer a bigger need - the continuing belief and confidence in God's sovereignty."
ReplyDeleteWe in the ministry refer to that as an "aha!" moment. :)
Thanks Reverend. I am grateful for God's patience - I am rather a slow learner...
DeleteI tend to pray for those around me and not myself, in the belief that we are not supposed to always ask for things, so I understand where you are coming from.
ReplyDeleteI don't think God was playing to your insecurities, rather, he was rewarding you for coming to him with your need, instead of trying to do it all yourself?
I am no sure what your development in Japan entails, but the BIL who did civilian 'tour' in Japan as a doctor LOVED it.
I think the Lord answered your prayer as you asked it, definitely.
A safe trip to you, whenever you go. God bless. ^_^
That is a good way to think of it as well Linda.
DeleteMy training would be for my martial arts. I am very excited at the possibility.
I also became a convert last year. I say daily prayers and offer thanks, and attend Mass every Sunday and feast day. I give my questions to God, and every time, an answer has come soon after. It may not be the answer I expected, but I've kept an open mind and open heart and recognize that it IS an answer. I am amazed by this, and thankful.
ReplyDeleteSo first of all, welcome to the Family of God. I am glad you are here - and the great part is if we never meet here, it will be "Here, there, or in the air".
DeleteYou catch on a very important point, one I often struggle with: recognizing the answer for the answer. I suppose I either look for something more or for something different or I do not trust that the answer is "The" answer. How wonderful that you have been able to grasp this so quickly in your Christian walk. I can almost guarantee it will be a blessing.
Thanks for stopping by!