Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Past as Present

There are moments when I almost find I am enjoying my life.

"Good Lord", I scream to myself silently. "Where is this coming from? This is not supposed to be my life as it was going to happen."

It's odd - in approximately 10 years, we have come fully circle in some many areas of our life - financial, employment, relationships. The multiplicity of children is something that had not been intended or anticipated, I suppose (nor for that matter, the increase in the rabbit population here) - but other than that, we seem to be right back where we were in 2000.

I'd argue that's not a good thing for a number of the implications that it carries - and in some ways it is probably not - but in other ways it's not so surprisingly bad.

My job is not ideal - but I have great coworkers. The church we currently attend is not like the one we used to attend - but our family all gets to go together. We don't own our house- but it's bigger and there's a room for everyone and a yard for the dog and in the event we have to move in the future, we don't have to worry about selling it. Certainly my industry knowledge far surpasses where it was 10 years ago. I'm writing regularly now in a semi-public forum - something that was definitely not happening 10 years ago. And I have a wonderful expanded family - something that was dimly forseen (if at all) 10 years ago.

So what have I got to grumble about?

If I've got problems in my life, it's up to me to make them better: if it's work that is not working, I need to fix it (and maybe the company if it comes to that); if it's finances, then it's up to me to make the money; if I'm not doing what I want to be doing, it's up to me to find a way to make it happen.

It's the past as present - except in surprising ways, much better.

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