There are times I have gotten a sense this week of excitement, of life taking a direct right turn. I'm not sure what that means, just that it is.
It makes wonder as well as I job search. I am currently looking in my industry, obviously (I guess from my point of view) that this is what I have done for 11 years, so this is what I should do. It's been a good industry, and certainly financially rewarding.
At the same time, as anyone who has listened to me for the past 9 years, or even if I look at my writings, there is an intense unhappiness for what I do. Part of it is the fact that there is a sense in which it doesn't matter: for example, all the paperwork I've carefully assembled and worked on for the last 5 months will most likely go into a box and never again see the light of day. Even at my previous employer, I had the same sensation, especially with some types of records: we're completing, reviewing, and filing these so that they will never be seen again. It's the most frustrating sensation in the world.
Well, really the second most. Putting a dollar in a vending machine and not getting change is actually more frustrating, I suppose.
The other thing that strikes me as frustrating is the sense that I have no control. I did my job, did it well, did it completely - and it still got cut. I don't like being at the mercy of others. I especially feel for Otis in this regard - oftentimes he'll jump through all the hoops to set up a series of meetings and presentations, only to have the rug pulled out from him at the last minute.
Huh. Hadn't realized right up to this moment that it was such an issue for me. But it is.
I won't be in this position again.
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