An epiphany of sorts this weekend.
This week has been a little rougher than I anticipated for a short work week. I am taking the completion of the my last book - and authorship in general - harder than I expected. I am restless. I am bored.
I look to my "goals" for next year and frankly, they do not excite me at all. I realized that even if I accomplish every one of them, my life will be in the same place this year as I was last year. This was not really what I was hoping for.
Why? The do not guarantee success, or even making progress. They have become boxes to be checked upon completion.
Which, I realized, is why I liked things like Role Playing Games and school. The goal is clear: do this, do that, get reward. Output equals input. Life, however, seems to lack that kind of clarity and linearity.
My goals have fallen into two categories: ones that I accomplish and lead to nothing other than accomplishing them and one that I do not accomplish because I do not control the circumstances to make them happen.
I cannot make myself a best selling author or church elder or vintner (yes, these were all thoughts once upon a time) or even financially stable. I can run obstacle races or compete in Highland Games or make cheese - but those are one time events that do not seem to translate into my life getting better.
So how do I find goals that are mostly in my control and not just one time events? This has become the question of the hour - or at least the question of December.
I need to find something or things that will move me forward (to something - but what?) and have milestones that I can see and shoot for, places where the inputs mean output. The other option: working where "promotions" happen randomly or finances matter except when they do not or writing into a void that swallows the words on the wind things where all the effort in the world can very well lead to nowhere.
How and where do I find worthy and achievable goals, the sorts of goals that will actually move me forward?