Be A Good Human Being

Muhammad Jalal al-Din Rumi (A.D. 1207 - A.D. 1273) wrote the comment somewhere around 800 years ago, give or take a decade or so. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I suspect the application line remains as empty as it ever was and the requisitions for the title of "good human being" remain - shockingly - open.

I grant you, it is an opportunity that is limited in some aspects.  The career ladder may not seem very promising and quite frankly, promotions can be few and far between - in fact, there are many who will never see their promotion until their death, which admittedly represents a barrier to those with an eye towards career advancement or management.

The hours are terribly long, the work conditions sometimes horrendous.  Managerial reviews to measure progress are often not forthcoming - in fact, you may go your entire career with only a handful.  

And the results of your work?  Quite likely you will never see the bulk of it in your active career; it is only in your ultimate retirement that the effort  of the long hours and hard work will become apparent.

For all of that, it remains one of the easiest career fields to enter - and as Rumi points out, there is almost no competition, even today.  His quote is not quite as exciting as Uncle Sam pointing out the Army needs you, but remains equally heartfelt.

The need is great.  And even today, it seems that applicants are few.

Essentialism (XX): Eliminate: Dare

 "Have you ever said yew when you meant no simply to avoid conflict or friction?"  We all have, says McKeown, and this leads to what he considers to be one of the most important skills in being an Essentialist:  the ability to say "no".

The ability to dare to say no, he says, really becomes an exercise in courage:  the courage of the Essentialist to say no to thing - good things - and people - good people.  Without this sort of courage, the Essentialist simply becomes a series of lip services, something we want to do - but never do.

It is hard - one of the hardest things (in a social sense) that we as humans can do for two reasons.  The first is relatively straightforward - do we know enough about what is essential to make those choices.  The second is that, as humans, we want to get along with others and so saying "no" can be awkward for us.

How do we get out of this trap?  "By learning to say no firmly, resolutely, and yet gracefully".  Easy enough to say, difficult to do.

But it is critical - because if we are always saying "yes" to everything, something else will have to be pushed aside to meet the new commitment until there is simply no time to do such things.  So how is this accomplished?  Perhaps unsurprisingly, McKeown has some suggestions:

1)  Separate the decision from the relationship:  Denying a request is not the same as denying a person.

2)  Saying "no" gracefully does not necessarily involve using the word No:  The English language is vast; there are phrases such as "I am flattered that you thought of me but I do not have the bandwidth" or "I a would very much like to but I am overcommitted" that accomplish the same task.

3) Focus on the tradeoff:  Focus less on what we are saying "no" to and what we are instead saying "yes" to - after all, the Essentialist knows life is tradeoffs and while we can do anything, we cannot do everything.

4)  Remind yourself that everyone is selling something:  Not that all people are evil of course, but everyone is trying to sell something in exchange for your time - is it worth it?

5)  Make your peace with the fact that saying "no" often requires trading popularity for respect:  When we say "no", suggests McKeown, there is often a short term loss of respect.  It is natural - and leaves the asking party perhaps feeling sad or disappointed or angry.  But there is another side of the coin, he suggests:  over time, people that feel that short-term disappointment or anger may see it transformed as they come to see that the Essentialist treats their time as valuable.

6)  Remember a clear "no" can be more graceful than a vague or noncommittal "yes":  There is nothing worse as a person asking for something to get what your think is a "yes", only to find out that they never really committed in their mind in the first place.  People respect clarity; a clear "no" means they know the next step (finding another person) rather than the vague "yes" that means they plan, only to be disappointed.

In closing, McKeown offers eight ideas to say "no" gracefully:

1) The awkward pause (or, delaying to think or until the other person adds more information).

2) The soft "no" (or "no, but").

3)  "Let me check my calendar and get back to you."

4)  "Using e-mail (or now, chat) bouncebacks.

5) Say "Yes.  What should I deprioritize?"

6) Say it with humour.

7) Use the words "You are welcome to X, I am willing to Y".

8) "I can't do it, but X might be interested".

In closing, McKeown notes that the ability to say no is a leadership capability. The more we practice - gracefully, politely, even kindly - the better we get at it.  Quoting Tom Friel, former CEO of Heidrick and Struggles, he notes "We need to learn the slow 'yes' and the quick 'no'".

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Application:

Perhaps unsurprisingly, saying "no" is something I have struggled with for the bulk of my life.  As someone who is by and large a people pleaser, the opportunity to say "yes" is an opportunity to please people.  But as McKeown notes, we cannot say "yes" to everything and everyone else and somehow get done the things we would like to get done.

And so, of necessity I have had to learn to do this.

If I look at the various techniques listed in the book, by far the ones I used of late are the "no, but", "Let me check my calendar" (a great one for work), and saying it with humour (always with me, the humour).  And, of course, learning in general to separate the individual from the request.

Am I always successful at this?  Of course not, and I am probably still more likely than not to say "yes" to a request.  But at least now, I take a moment and think if I have the time and bandwidth to accommodate it, given what I myself have to work on.  It is not perfect, but I am on the journey.

On Science Fiction And Fantasy Of Old

 This past weekend, I had cause to pick up some of my older science fiction books for "light" reading.

In this case it was some oldies but goodies - Knave of Dreams by Andre Norton,  Uller Uprising by H. Beam Piper and Falkenberg's Legion by Jerry Pournelle, all reliable authors for whom I have a number of their works and enjoy them repeatedly.  Finishing reading them always makes me sad that there was a finite amount of books that these authors wrote, made perhaps more poignant by the fact that it felt, at least, that we used to have such authors in careless abundance.

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I was lucky growing up when I did.  We had the tail end of most of the great science fiction and fantasy writers with us or at least those that had come up in the era of those that had passed away and were, in turn, influenced by them.   I read a selection that was in the beginning overseen by my mother for content reasons, with Andre Norton and Edgar Rice Burroughs figuring prominently in those early readings (really, my first "fantasy" books were the original OZ series by L. Frank Baum and the Raggedy Ann and Andy series by Johnny Gruelle, of which I have a great many of the original series).  I slipped out of the barn a bit after that, reading Robert E. Howard (largely Conan, but some of his other works as well), Asimov (whom I have not touched in years), Heinlein, Fritz Leiber, and C.J. Cheyrrh.  Still lots of Andre Norton at that time as well (I have a shocking collection of many of her books that were either hard science fiction or Witch World; her other fantasies were less interesting to me).

And Tolkien, of course.  Always Tolkien, from the fifth grade on.  And C.S. Lewis as well, both his Narnia and his Science Fiction (which is a sadly neglected portion of his output).

More H. Beam Piper and Jerry Pournelle came right at the point that I realized that the genre was changing.

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It would be hard for me to "pinpoint" a time when the genre moved beyond me.  It had to have been the mid-1990's or early 2000's.  And it was a subtle thing, something that I cannot fully explain to you.  

One moment I recall was reading C.J. Cheyrrh's book Rimrunners.  I recall nothing about the book itself (other than the name, which I had to verify); I just remember thinking "This is not interesting to me at all".  Another moment was one of the innumerable books written by R.A. Salvatore about Drizzt Do Urden (a very popular D&D character and series, if you have never heard of him), when I realized that the book was really sort of a modern tale with elements of fantasy.

Modern tales with elements of fantasy have their place, I suppose.  But the point of Science Fiction and Fantasy - at least once upon a time - was to escape the world of the mundane, not see it reflected back to us in a mirror slightly distorted.  Yes, at the core a story is about people and their problems and some authors (Pournelle, for example) always does a great job of taking situations and walking them out to their logical conclusion in other settings.  But that walking out is always within the context of the story, not the main point of the story.  But that became more and more the case until I gave up.   And after one or two of those books, I never really looked back but instead started collecting authors that I had enjoyed from my youth.

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It is unfair, I suppose, to tar every author since the mid-1990's with the brush of "Not interested" - to be fair, I have enjoyed the David Drake books I have read, the first series by David Eddings was wonderful (and much superior to his second), and Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time was quite enjoyable (up to the point I got tired of waiting for the release of the next novel - before his passing - and so moved on).  But it is also fair to think that my time has a certain value on it as well and "taking a chance" on an author who essentially will have "current world problems" writ large in their narrative is beyond my time (or pocket book).  And - for better or worse - we can know a great deal more about authors thanks to the InterWeb; there are a few that likely I might read except seeing their on-line presence is enough to convince me to take a pass.

Which is fine, of course.  I have more than enough of my favorites to read and re-read. And I have those others that I have not read all their works (Pournelle for example, or the aforementioned David Drake.  I should give Robert Jordan another go now that the series is complete - and there are a host of Golden-Silver age writers like Larry Niven that I have never read).  And all of that is probably more than enough to consume any time I might like to dedicate to reading.

A shame for modern authors trying to come up, I suppose.  Hopefully the best of them will find a way to make their way in a genre that has gone from the fantastic to the mundane, from escapism to "current world" with the tack-on trappings of somewhere else.

2025 Switzerland/Germany: Augusta Raurica IV

(Continuing tour of the Roman House at the Augusta Raurica mueum)

Moving from the bathing area, we come to the Cubiculum diurnum, or Living Room (item 13 on map):

Complete with loom!:

Looking up at the ceiling:

Cubiculum nocturnem, or bedroom:

Wall mount for candle:

2025 Switzerland/Germany: Augusta Raurica III

Along with the great open air museum, what made the museum at Augusta Raurica really stand out was a reconstruction of a Roman house (Map below):

Upon entering (by a modern entrance, not the typical one) we see the peristylum, or Inner Courtyard:

Moving up (Number 7 on the map) is the Culina, or kitchen:

Next to the kitchen is the Occus, or Formal Dining Hall. You can see the couches where the diners would been situated:

The Apodytterium, or changing room for the baths:

The Tepidarium, or Tepid Bath:

Below the Caldarium showing the hypocaust, or underground system which funnel heat to the floor:

The Caldarium, or Hot Bath:

The Frigidarium, or Cold Bath:

Memorial Day 2025

 

(Hat Tip, as always, to Old AF Sarge)

Losing The Fruits

 

There is nothing worse than losing the benefit of having done a good thing.

I know the feeling all too well: having done the sort of thing that I am called to do as a Christian, I immediately go forth and undo all the good work I have just done.  Sometimes it by a comment that I think is witty but is not, sometimes it is an immediate relapse into a behavior - anger for example, sometimes it is simply taking all the credit for having done the thing.  No matter what the thing, it result is the same:  the benefits of what I have done melts away.

Oh, not the work itself:  that still stands. But the reasons behind it, the opinion people have of me and why I did it, even my very witness - evaporated faster than the morning dew in a hot sun.

Humility comes not just through doing the good works we should be doing.  It is a process that happens before, during - and most especially after.  The humble man remembers humility at all times, not just in the doing of humble deeds but in the aftermath of having done them.

May 2025 Grab Bag

The Ravishing Mrs. TB, Nighean Bhan, and Nighean Dhonn safely arrived on Thursday evening have (for at least two of them) completed what truly constitutes a "Halfway across the country" - thankfully without incident, although there apparently was at least one stretch of highway that was significantly delayed due to lining of the road.  They were tired but in good spirits.  The apartment is now filled with another load of things to be slowly absorbed into the closets and cabinets.

They are spending the time from their arrival to today exploring locally; Nighean Bhan and Nighean Dhonn will fly back early tomorrow morning back to New Home 2.0.

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That said, The Ravishing Mrs. TB - prior to yesterday - will be leaving early next week for a short visit back to her mother's for what we thought would be the initial consultation for her second knee surgery (the first recovery has gone amazingly; thanks for your thoughts and well wishes) - but it has been delayed due to a low blood count. Not sure what the plan is now, but if we cannot get a refund on the car, The Ravishing Mrs. TB may head down for a visit anyway.

All of that said, I am more than grateful that at this moment in time, we have the ability to support her mother without having a significant worry about salaries.  

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Nighean Bhan, within one week of graduation, had two job interviews.  Within 1.5 weeks, she now has a job. In her field.

Her start date is early August in a school district in New Home 2.0.

There are jobs out there to be had; one just has to be willing to choose fields that are employing people.  Perhaps instead of "following one's bliss", which is what I did.

If helpful for reference, her starting salary (in adjusted dollars) is twice what I made when I started in my own industry.

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I will actually have Memorial Day off this year.

Last year I worked that day, as it was one of the first goes at observing manufacturing that I had - and I was here on my own.  The year before, I think I was just in the process of being separated from my first layoff of 2023, so my mind was completely somewhere else - mostly in the "I need to find a job" mode and "I hope this interview my friend help me set up works out (it did, of course; just not as long as it might have").

Perhaps this year I will actually be able to bit more than just realize it is Memorial Day.

Essentialism (XIX): Eliminate: Clarity

 McKeown starts out this chapter with three mission statements - a manufacturer of agricultural equipment, a general manufacturer of things ranging from garbage trucks to electronic equipment, and food and beverage company focusing on soy, milk and dairy - and asks the reader to figure out which is which:

1) Profitable growth through superior customer service, innovation, quality and commitment.

2) To be the leader in every market we serve to the benefit of our customers and our shareholders.

3)  The Company's primary objective is to maximize long-term stockholder value, while adhering to the laws of the jurisdictions in which it operates and at all times observing the highest ethical standards.

Can you guess which is which?  McKeown offers no answer because there is not one; these statements are so general that any one could be applied to any company and are insipid at best.  Certainly they give not idea as to the actual purpose of the company.  In the same vein, he suggests, the first type of non-essential the Essentialist must eliminate is any activity which is misaligned with what you intend to achieve.  To do that, of course, one needs to be clear - not just pretty clear, but very clear - on what wants to accomplish:  "When there is a serious lack of clarity about what the team stands for and what their goals and roles are, people experience confusion, stress, and frustration.  When there is a high level of clarity, on the other hand, people thrive."

When clarity is lacking, he suggests, one of two things tends to happen.  The first is that people engage in politics because there is no clear end game and no clear method to "win", so people make up their own rules in order to make progress, which can look like (in business) trying to look better than someone else or in our personal life, making up social games like possession, lifestyles, or more modernly social media.  The second is that people become directionless and just "do" things, hoping that they somehow make progress (but as McKeown points out, good is not always effective and five different majors do not equal one degree).

How to combat this problem?  Essential Intent.

Essential Intent, he suggests, is starting by what a thing is not.  This requires a certain degree of specificity.  This requires us to define things that are inspirational and concrete, that are meaningful and measurable.  It may require us to make a decision that eliminates a host of others simply by design (McKeown's example is by deciding to become a doctor instead of a lawyer, many other options are eliminated).  

Essential intents, he suggests, should not be experiments in wordsmithing, like the examples at the beginning of the chapter.  In their best form, they answer the question:  "If we could be truly excellent at only one thing, what would it be?"  And they also answer the question '"How will we know when we  have succeeded?" - because if one is on a journey, one needs to know when one has reached the destination.

A true essential intent, suggests McKeown, "...is one that guides your greater sense of purpose and helps you chart your life's path."  He also notes that it is not easy but that it is rewarding:

"Creating an essential intent is hard.  It takes courage, insight, and foresight to see which activities and efforts will add up to your single highest point of contribution.  It takes asking tough questions, making real trade-offs, and exercising serious discipline to cut out the competing priorities that distract us from our true intention.  Yet it is worth the effort because only with real clarity of purpose can people, teams, and organizations fully mobilize and achieve something truly excellent."

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Application:

"Essential intents" - probably known more colloquially as mission statements or vision statements - are probably one of the most overused clichés of the modern world.  Every company I have worked for has had one, and every one has been relatively grandiose in its pronouncements and every one has been completely unbelievable in its execution.  Personal vision statements are much less easy to come by - so few have them formalized or share them - but if mine are any indicator, they are equally as overblown and ineffective.

But maybe that is because I have been asking the wrong question.

The question I have been asking is "What should I be doing" without the corresponding question "Why am I doing it?"

McKeown's statement of "five majors do not make a degree" or "Five different jobs in five different fields do not make a career" resonated with me - because that is quintessentially me.  Seldom if ever have I asked the question "What thing would I do that I would be excellent in?" - in my personal or my business life - and started from that answer.

Even if it is just applying it to my career life, I wonder what such a question and answer session - honestly asked - would reveal.

11,688 Days

Today will be the anniversary of The Ravishing Mrs. TB and myself.  More specifically, the 11,688th day of our marriage.

Marriage is, to me, a funny thing.  Were you to have asked me in my early adult years, the assumption would have been that I would get married.  I had absolutely no basis as to why the fact would be true, as I scarcely had a serious girlfriend.  It was just something that, as I understood it primitively, "happened".

Somewhat remarkably, it actually did.

Our marriage has endured a series of local moves and two major relocations, child rearing (x 3),  complete financial failure at least once, three layoffs, and now the death of three of our four parents.  All the sorts of things that I could not envision at all when I made the rather hasty decision (trust me, it was rather hasty) of asking her to marry me.

We actually will be together this year to celebrate our anniversary (we were not last year), which at this stage is typically dinner and maybe some other activity - or maybe not, I do have to work the following day.  Which is fine - anniversaries are a lot like good wines:  occasionally one pulls out an expensive bottle to celebrate, but quite often more pedestrian bottles serve just as well to celebrate the ordinary joys of life.

As my philosophy is not that good, per Socrates above I have to assume I got the first part right.

2025 Switzerland/Germany: Augusta Raurica II

 One of the things that struck me as both unusual and unique at Augusta Raurica is the fact that the museum is sitting in the middle of a town; imagine growing up with a Roman theater or ruins twenty feet outside your door.

The location of the main forum, now an open field. This would have been a colonnade with an open center, as we saw in the past in Greece and Turkey

Location of the main temple of the forum.  The Latin reads "To the goddess Rome and the defied Caesar Augustus."

Looking from the forum towards the theater.

The location encompasses a fairly large area, so if you want to see everything, you need to go walk.

This is the remains of the old amphitheater, where spectacles were held and gladiators fought.

"Are you not entertained?" - Gladiator

Temple - or what is left it.  As with many structures, the stones were used for other purposes.  At this location, altars to Apollo, Aescupalius, and Hercules have been recovered.

Local inhabitants.  Surprisingly, they gave rather confused directions.