Wednesday, April 21, 2021

Fin de siècle

 Is it somehow wrong to say I am waiting for the End?

I feel like we are somehow in the midst of Act II, waiting for the intermission and what will be a complete change in the plot.  We all know the intermission is coming and Act III will start soon, but we also know that we have to plod through the end of Act II to get intermission and Act III.

As I write this, the breeze of Spring is blowing through my window - it is still cool enough here; Summer has yet to take its annual grip on the season.  The sun is reflecting off the cars in the driveway and comes dappled through the blowing leaves into the house.  There is pizza in the oven.  My small bubble of the world has a sense of peace and contentment:  Poppy the Brave lays in her chair and looks out the window, A the Mighty strides about in his catlike way, now looking out the window hopefully for birds to stalk, and I-Bun and Joy sit quietly after eating a bit of dinner, thinking whatever thoughts rabbits think on the world and the inanities of it. 

And yet, I sit here in certainly what feels like a Fin de siècle (a fancy French world for "End of the Century").

Others have said it far better than I, but I no longer feel at home here - in this city, in this state, in this country, really in this civilization.

I am sure that some would say that it is simply some sort of failure on my part; that I have "refused to change with the times" or "refused to embrace the new world".  And I suppose that sort of thing could be said to be true, to a certain extent - although to be fair, the time should also concede that they must be worth changing to and the new world give reasons for it to be embraced.  

But the isolation - can I use that word? - is deeper than simple not belonging in a place or civilization.  There is a real sense that I simply do not belong here.

I have no more interests in crusades of righteousness or right thinking.  I have no more interest in right the wrongs of the world (I have lived long enough to know one man's wrongs are another man's corrects).  I have no really interest in dedication to ideals beyond my God and my tribe and my martial art and preservation of my land not only from those who would develop it, but from those who in their zeal for preservation would deny me from it.

I consider myself repaid in this, of course, by a society that demands crusades, righting of wrongs, a definition (growing ever smaller) of what is "permitted" and what is "forbidden".  This world, this country, this city have done nothing to reach out to me in return except in ever more demanding language of what I must do, what I must believe, and how I must act.

I am done.

I find myself a citizen of nowhere, any more.  This place I live is only a place to dwell.  Were it to be overcome in fire or flood or invasion or civil unrest I would perhaps shed a tear for those I know impacted by it, but not for the edifice itself.

At some point - be it relationships, old hobbies or beliefs that no longer fit our life style, or simply the dead - we have to let go and move on.

Oddly enough, our society and our world feels that in this sort of letting go, they should be the one thing that is clutched on to until the very end.

How odd.

15 comments:

  1. Anonymous3:49 AM

    Where is Galt'sGulch when you really need it.

    Your experiences are what a lotof us are feeling. It is like overnight, the rules and expectations were switched out and we are left to find out the New Rules ourselves.

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    1. Anonymous, back a pace someone posted a comment that in fact "Galt's Gulch" in real life are the tribes and places that we build for ourselves, the small communities and monasteries against the incoming darkness. I said then - and maintain - that this is probably true.

      I would argue the New Rules are not even fully established, if for no other reason than that by knowing them, you could possibly comply with them.

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  2. I've seen a lot of Texas flags flying down here. More than I ever have before. they took the place of the American flags there were flying in November.

    Folks are turning their attention to the local. Their allegiance is to the state. Reminds me of the years before the Great Unpleasantness. One was a "son of Virginia" or a Texican. The state was their focus... It appears to be moving in that direction again. I'm wondering the same as you, and feeling much the same as you. ..

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    1. STxAR, as a student of history you know that prior to 1860, the allegiance to the state was considered as or more important than that of the US (and this was true of the original 13 colonies as well). When the larger no longer fills the need, the smaller becomes more important.

      I sincerely also believe that at some level, people that consider the US to have a solid and unbreakable union to be somewhat fooling themselves. If I am deriving no benefit at all from a situation, what incentive do I have to maintain that situation?

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    2. THIS: If I am deriving no benefit at all from a situation, what incentive do I have to maintain that situation?

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  3. Anonymous5:48 AM

    We are the Men Among the Ruins. There is Glory among the ruins. One can only rebuild after a thing fails. This thing has failed. Reject modernity and paper constitutions. Reject the obscene as your "leaders."
    Men of the West - time to rebuild. For ourselves and our Christian children. Or pagan. Or heathen. Just not black/white commies

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    1. Anonymous - It always interests me that those that have lived under totalitarian society - like Eastern Europe - have no illusions about where that leads or why it should be avoided. It is only those who have never experienced it that somehow trifle with the idea that it is an improvement, not a detriment.

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  4. Well I know for a fact that I definitely do not belong in this new world because I have no clue on how it is supposed to work. The new world the clowns are hard at work building... seems to be built around destroying the old one... and that’s it.

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    1. Glen, the reality (from where I sit) is that the new world is not really being built, it is just being cannibalized from the old world. It needs the old world - at some level its values, its economy, its community - to work. Without that, it descends into true lawlessness and greed.

      An example: The protestors in Portland (I use the term gingerly) continue to protest because they impact no-one outside of downtown. Let them into the suburban neighborhoods, and suddenly those that cheer "free speech" and "truth to power" will find what unbridled violence actually looks like.

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  5. Too bad optimism couldn't be bought and sold on the open market. I could probably spot you some of mine and make some good coin in return.

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    1. Ed, you remain the bright shining star in my universe. I have to be honest that, sitting where I sit now, I see very little that makes me optimistic for the near term.

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  6. Anonymous7:45 AM

    20+ years into "prepping" and I'm still holding my breath. Can't remember when I could breathe freely. My kids all ask "when's it coming?" All I can say is that it's coming. I try to stay in a state of prayer. I'm even praying for Putin. Doing my best to take care of me and mine is all I see. God help us all. Julia

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    1. Anonymous10:06 AM

      I'm old enough to remember the spoken expression "It's a Free Country Isn't It ?" You don't hear that any more.

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    2. Julia - At some level it is coming, even if it comes at smaller levels. When the Great Snowmaggedon of 2021 came, we had to do little in terms of supplies to get by. We were ready. In that sense, preparedness is never out of style.

      Prayer is important. And taking care of our own is important. It is the original tribe.

      Thanks for stopping by!

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    3. Anonymous - I do remember that phrase although it has been so long that I have heard it I cannot remember the last time I did. Along with the phrase "I may disagree with you, but I would die for your right to say it". Now, if I disagree with you, I have every right to make sure you do not express your opinion.

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