Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Twenty Five Years Of Marriage

So today we celebrate 25 years of being Mr. and Mrs. TB.

I do not know that I can honestly say I had a clue what I was doing when I got married. I do not precisely think the phrase "There was no chance in the world it work" applies, but arguably the odds were reasonably against us:  even at the tender age of 26 I had a fair amount of growing up left to do:  I had two degrees, college debt, and no idea what in the world I was going to do with my life.  I still contend that I probably had nothing particularly wonderful to offer.

We have lived through seven moves, three births, three houses, a rather varied number of careers, nine cars, and rather large collection of pets. We have lost and gained friends.  We have found a number of new interests and lost a number of old ones.

Marriage, in case you do not know, is hard.  It is probably by far the hardest thing I have ever tried to do.  As I described it once to an unmarried friend, "It is not as if you can take your ball and go home.  You are already home."   And I have come to understand over the years how many marriages do in fact fall apart - I suspect in the current environment it is even more difficult because there is so much in the world that tries to drag us apart.  In an age of selfish gratification, being willing to surrender your wants and desires for the sake of the other person really is an act of rebellion.

I do not really have any great advice for how to stay married, other than "Do not give up."  Which seems a bit trite.  After all, not giving up is not a particularly elegant thing (and it sure would not sell books).  But it is that commitment to not giving up, to staying in the relationship for no other reason than you promised you would, that makes things work (e.g. listening to your "feelings" at those moments is not particularly helpful).

We will have a quiet evening tonight, going out for dinner - perhaps one that is a little nicer, perhaps - and reflecting on 25 years of life together.  Not a wholly poor way to spend a milestone.

8 comments:

LindaG said...

Congratulations! May God bless you with many more happy years together!

Really, working together is a key, just as you say.
Hubby and I are 44 this year, so we know what you mean. :-)
Hard to believe it's been that long.

Again, congratulations and God bless. :-)

Glen Filthie said...

33 years for us. I just wonder where the time went. Congrats to you both, may you have many more years together.

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Thank you Linda! Congratulations to you as well!

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Thank You Glen! The Ravishing Mrs. TB pointed out this morning that when we got married there was no Google, no Wifi, no Facebook, and barely any Internet. Hard to believe it is so short and yet so long.

Rev. Paul said...

Happy Anniversary! The hard work is worth it, as you note, but not everyone should try it. Fortunately, you two have done well. :)

Leigh said...

Congratulations to you both! You are so right that marriage requires commitment. Or maybe it should be stated as a commitment to the commitment. Probably something most folks don't understand nowadays.

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Thanks Reverend. We have been very blessed and fortunate. I have no idea what the statistics are for those that got married in our year, but just judging by my own personal accounting they are not good.

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Thanks Leigh. "A commitment to the commitment" - that is really it, is it not? It is not that we make a commitment to each other, but we are committed to making that work. Lots of people like the first; few enjoy the second.