Faith in Those Above You at Work

The period of the last 11 months has been an unsettling one.  Over this course of time my company underwent a round of layoffs (the second in its history) and I will have ended up reporting to four (almost five) different people during that time.

By way of background, I have held my current position or a version of it for twelve years - five different companies, same title.  As you might imagine, it can become a little frustrating to be at the same level for a very long time, especially when you find yourself (or at least you think you find yourself) undertaking greater levels of responsibility while you find yourself continuing at the same level (and peers from previous lives are moving on).  The prize, it seems, is always out of reach, an ill-defined promised land which is theory reachable but for which there are no maps or guides.

Certainly this has been my longest series of frustration due to my time here (almost six years) with no advancement.  Originally, of course, one believes that it is due to not trying hard enough so one tries harder and asks for direction.  Then, especially if one finds that they are stymied, they think (perhaps) this is due to their manager and so they look to others to help them.

And when their manager changes, they look to the new person as the savior of the situation.

Four times now in the past 11 months as I have revolved from person to person I have gone to them in faith and hope that this was the person that was going to rectify the situation.  This was the person that was going to see - indeed, had seen - what I had done and what I was doing and would (finally) be the one to make the change (because, of course, you cannot make such a change at your place of employment.  It has to come from above you).

Four times I have tried this.  And four times I have been disappointed.

I have been trying to digest this particular set of circumstances after my most recent incident, even as recently as yesterday when I thought I was doing what I needed to be doing only to see holes shot in my theory - things I did seemed to be glossed over while things I did not know I was working on apparently I had not thought of.  It can leave one drained and exhausted, chasing a goal that is always moving farther away and dependent on someone else.

And the thought occurred to me, "Where are you putting your faith?"

The instant, almost immediate reaction was "In others".  Which is true.  Ultimately this is where I have been dropping my confidence anchor in moving forward:  in those above me.  Time after time now I have made the trek to their offices and stated my cases, secretly (or perhaps not so secretly) with the hope that this would be the time that someone would intervene on my behalf.  But strangely, every time my confidence has been disappointed.

I cannot speculate on the reason for this.  I wish I could - would it not be nice to have a reason that did not revolve around my apparent failure to fulfill the conditions? - but that would be as fruitless as it would be useless.  We cannot control the decision and actions of others, no matter how much we attempt to hope they will assist us.

The answer that came back was that I was putting my trust in man rather than God.

I know to some this will seem to be one of two kinds of answers.  To one group of people this will simply be a cop-out:  "You are using your lack of ability and drive and deliberately pushing it somewhere else".  That could be true, and I have tried (and will continue to try) to review my actions on how I can be better.

To another group of people putting my trust in God is just a symbol of putting my trust in luck or the universe, anything outside of my control and hoping for the best.  To these I can only say if that is your belief, that is your belief.  If you do not believe in God anyway my struggles in this area would no more convince you than my being healed of something.

But for me, this was the answer that came back.  I am putting my trust, my faith, in these individuals to move my case forward for me.  And not just blind trust - active trust, looking to their every move and gesture in hopes that they would give a symbol of what going on or a sign that there was about to be a change.  Never my faith in God, that 1)  He was in control of the situation; and 2)  that I would be better working as if He was my manager and was in the position to move things forward (which, if you look in Scripture, He actually talks about.  See Colossians 3:23-24).

What does that look like?  I am not fully sure.  I think it involves not constantly looking to someone else to change my position and hoping that they will do it but working knowing that God is constantly watching it.  Certainly it involves putting the hope that someone will change it over towards God.

Does it mean that something will change?  I have absolutely no proof of that - and after 12 years, I have almost given up hope that it will.  I am conscious of the fact that I am entering the age range where it is cheaper to find someone younger to do my job than it is to retain me, and the potential reality is that I could go another 15-20 years without a change.  Which, to be honest, is a hard thought to bear.

But that does not change the underlying thought, that I am putting my hope and faith in the wrong place.

I have an opportunity to test this theory coming up:  I will have the next new boss arrive in two weeks.  My initial reaction would have been to take the hope and faith I had put somewhere else and put it onto this new person, to hope that this person will finally do something to change my situation.

But this time I will not do that.  I will, certainly, be professional and courteous and seek to perform as they ask.  But I will consciously not put a shred of faith or hope that they can or will change my position.

And we will see if a change in the placement of that hope and faith will make the difference.