Okay, so I am feeling slightly better today. Sleep, as I have noted in the past, helps a lot. So does Iaijutsu for the evening.
Not that anything wildly changed yesterday. Getting to work was exactly the way the way that the morning felt: almost from the time I walked in the door I found myself the center of need: documents to sign, opinions to be given, meetings to go to, things to review. All urgent, all needing to be done now, all with the sense of "I am here for no other reason than to serve you" splattered across the day.
It just leads one to walk with downcast shoulders and eyes. Yes, I allowed myself to get pulled in to a belief that things were going to be different. But reality came screaming back at me with a vengeance.
This is the point at which I do not know what else to do.
The wise point, I assume, is to "change my attitude". That is what I should do, I suppose. Change my latitude. Make my life about "my decision", not about circumstances.
I should, I suppose. So why do I feel like this whole thing is an exercise in pointlessness?
Focus on what ya have to do but leave room for what ya want to do. Maybe that will help?
ReplyDeleteThanks Preppy. It just feels more and more like a pointless exercise in effort that leads nowhere. The best mood in the morning can be wiped out within five minutes of arrival; by the time I get home I am defeated again. I am sure this is not the way to live but I do not see how to break out of the rut.
ReplyDelete