I am working to find the courage to write more publicly.
No, not here. This - for the simple fact that this anonymity allows me a certain latitude in what I write - remains my refuge, my testing ground, my sounding board, my lab. Here I can throw out whatever wanders into my mind and feel that at some level I can write without fear. This is, and will remain so as long as I can write, my pet project.
No, I am talking about other places. I do have one, a place where I am started writing in hopes of creating more of a business oriented area. I have kept it up over the years - at least three - but it has been a struggle to provide content for it, not at all like the relative ease it is to write here.
But herein - thanks to Carrie Wilkerson and The Barefoot Executive - lies the problem: if I never develop the public aspect of the work, I will never ultimately have a chance to be rewarded for it. In other words, if I want to begin to try to transition to a new area and hopefully some kind of income from it (it does not take much to make me feel like I am a success!), then I need to start writing and acting more as myself.
My initial reaction was, of course, a sigh. two blogs to keep up. If I wanted to work as hard on that as I did on this, even more writing to do every morning. Learning new technologies like websites and webcams and some thing called Audio Forge to record things.
But then I shook myself a bit. Really? Me - the great learner of obscure facts, shying away from having to learning something new? Me - the guy who has made himself write at least 5 times a week for 5 years now? That guy? I cannot put in a little more effort for the purpose of trying to make my life a little more like I want it?
But that is not the real issue of why I will or will not move forward. The real issue is courage - the courage to write as who I am.
It is easy to write like I do here - some people know who I am, some people do not. But to write as myself, to throw one's name out into the ring of those that write, is to run the risk of criticism. Of seeming trite. Of seeming stupid and sophomoric. Of realizing that one really did not have anything to say - and finding out that others think that too.
But there is the other side, the side I hardly acknowledge: maybe not.
Maybe it turns out I can write to impact somebody's life. Maybe one of the pithy parables I am experimenting with will actually make sense to someone. Maybe I can encourage one more person to move forward in their own life. Heck, maybe I can sell a book or two.
So here is the question: I know what I need to try to do to make it happen. The question is, will I?
Can I find my courage?