So just like every other time I am away and return, I could feel the enthusiasm and energy drain out of my like a sieve upon my return to work.
This has become a typical occurrence, something that I have come to expect and anticipate as part of where I am currently working - simply put, the return simply brings back all of the issues that never went away while I was gone.
I used to believe it was myself, that there was something that I could do about it, that there was something that I could do about it, some way I could magically will myself into changing my energy levels such that I could reverse the trend and be motivated, become a thermostat rather than a thermometer. Alas, that seems to have passed.
Why? I suppose I underestimated the power of the work environment and the power of a company's directions.
Environment and direction have a powerful impact on morale. With a good environment and an comprehensible direction, the worst of tasks can seem like it at least has purpose because it going in a direction. Without such things, all effort feels wasted, all improvements meaningless, all the hard work trickling away into a pit that has no end. The ability to become better at what one does gets lost in the mire of trying to get through just another day with a long line of tasks that never seem to get closed.
What to do? There are only two options: improve the environment and direction or move on.
Can I improve my personal environment? Possibly. Can I improve the greater environment? Not likely -I simply lack that power. And can I improve the direction of the company? Not really - I am not in a position where such a thing is possible.
Having said that, I am not sure what that truly means. I do not know what form that will take or even how that works out in the greater areas of my life. What I do know is this: I am not growing and the situation I am in is not helping me grow - at this point, there is only one choice if I want to reach what I am capable of, and it is not waiting here for things to "magically" get better.