Thursday, June 02, 2011

In Need of An Epiphany

I am badly in need of an epiphany.

There's something I seem to be missing in my life, some turn that I feel I've missed, some answer that is lying before me that I'm not seeing.

I try and do things in a different way, seeking to move things about a bit and hopefully find a new synergy only to discover (yet again) that certain factors such as rest are boundaries beyond which my life cannot proceed. I try and dedicate myself to work on to find in my heart that I feel I am rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic every day.

On the one hand I continue to berate myself. I'm smarter than this. There's an answer there somewhere. I should be able to see it (or helpfully, it should manifest itself to me).

On the other hand, is it a case that the answer is here and I am simply not seeing it? I mean, I think I have been given answers and suggestions but they never seem practical or possible. Certainly my last experience with sudden career change has given me a taste in my mouth that lingers to this day (and not a good one).

And it's not just career either. I still have a list of activities that I would like to do that runs longer than my arm, yet somehow they continue to get moved out for the things that I have to do (but don't like nearly as much).

How do I break this cycle of trying, collapsing, wondering, and trying some more?

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