Between a series of circumstances and conversations, it was brought to my attention that my attitude and actions at work are hardly as Christlike as should be expected. I am somewhat slothful, bitter, and engage in forms of gossip, backbiting, and discontent spreading, all in the name of building relationships and being "honest". It's not Christlike - references include:
"Bondservants, be submissive to those who are your earthly masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ; not as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God form the heart, with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord, whether he is slave or free." - Ephesians 6: 5-8
"Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is now partiality. "- Colossians 3-22-24
"Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh. For this is commendable, if because of the consciences toward God one endures grief and suffers wrongly." - 1 Peter 2: 18-20
- and those were the ones I could bring to mind without trying.
So I tried today. I said nothing negative about anyone. When presented with work, I executed it to the best of my ability instead of complaining about the tasks. I made a real effort to constantly be doing something. I tried to not be bitter.
Was there a perceptible change? I'm not sure. How do I feel?
Honestly, I had not anticipated h0w emotionally and mentally challenging it would be to not defend myself, do all that I was asked, and not say anything negative about anyone one or. The result was I worked. And worked. And worked. Which, ironically, is precisely what I am supposed to be doing. It's amazing how difficult it becomes to not defend, to say "yes" and nod and then go about it to the best of your ability rather than walk away and complain later or be negative.
How is it that trying to be more Christlike feels more exhausting?