So one of the outcomes of the Obstacle Course is a little steel in my soul.
It is working itself out in small ways. Standing up to questions instead of just caving in and doing what others ask. Contemplating taking a test based on the fact that I could pass it, not that I will - but with the knowledge that "Could pass" will result in better opportunities later. Distributing small chores to others. Beginning to act (in small, maybe silent ways) more like someone that looks like me but is not.
These are very tentative moves, to be sure. Every single one pushes me a bit outside of my comfort zone. But that is okay - the time has come that I need to be more actively pushed out. Because just waiting around causes you to be pushed in, which serves precisely everyone else but yourself.
Where is this coming from? The race. Every time something has come up I ask myself the question: "Is this more difficult than: climbing a wall, getting out of a pit, crawling through mud, trying to swing over something and fall?" The answer, of course, is always the same.
Of course not.
Of course not - because no matter what situation I face, they almost never involve physical action that at best would be embarrassing and at worst would hurt. All of the actions are mental or relational in nature - perhaps confrontational or controversial, but hardly the sort of thing where the damage is permanent.
I was told by someone not that long ago that I needed to decide what wanted to do and then pursue that. It presented in the context of my career. But there hints that this thing is my soul is hardly the sort of thing to limit itself to one area of my life.
Knowing you can something far above what you actually are doing gives you the confidence to push out that much farther.