Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Anger

Anger, yesterday. Sheer raw seething anger.

Anger at the fact that no matter what good attitude I go in with in the day, by the end of the day I am defeated once again. Anger that my best efforts to make progress are always thwarted. Anger at the fact that I am asked to do more and more with less and less.

Anger at the fact that I am, in so many ways, a convenient place to lay blame and responsibility with no hope of becoming anything but that.

It's a hard thing to go to work every morning in hopes that this will be the day that things are different, this will be the day that I am able to master my circumstances - only to return home at the end, dazed and angry that once again I was defeated.

It just doesn't seem right. One should not have to return home day after day, defeated by a set of circumstances that never seems to change for the better - yet at the same time being trapped by the fact that the next step forward is unclear.

But there has to be a step - because this is not a tenable position.

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