Monday, July 26, 2010

Square Peg, Round Hole

As I was mentally preparing for another week of work last night in bed, I was hit (once again) by the feeling of being square peg pushed into a round hole, more strongly than I have of late.

I want to say that I feel called to something else, some more elusive career - that only God apparently knows. I'd like to say that - but I have no evidence for the existence of any such thing other than my feeling that it is so, that sort of nagging feeling that there is something else.

In one way I am very conscious of God's control in my life right now, as I last year when out of all the resumes I sent out, I only received one job offer (here in New Home) - so I was meant to be here (and, to be fair, circumstances have proven that out). I'm conscious of the fact that in more recent searches nothing has panned out, even things that were quite local. Obviously, when it is time it will appear (not that it excuses me from continuing to be active).

But perhaps part of the difficulty lies in the fact that I am looking within the same field that I am currently in. Perhaps it is as if I keep banging the peg down further into the hole, hoping that it will somehow conform if I keep pushing it hard.

To paraphrase Brian Tracy, "If I was not doing what I am doing now, would I start in it? What would I start instead?"

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