There is little more humbling in the life of a believer than to stumble up against one's old sins.
There are a few things that one does learn over the years, like not acting on every impulse or saying every thing that comes into one's mind or being able to let a thing go instead of making an issue out of it. But even with all of that outwards facing control, one - I, let us be frank - can confound myself by the lack of progress that I have made in some areas.
One thing that has been made apparent to me is that it is mostly in the company of others that this stumbling and lack of progress is most easily seen - partially I suspect because of reactions others have which we can visibly see, partially because we fool ourselves far too easily on how far we have come.
The particular details of this incident are transitory; the subtle reaction on faces and the sudden realization of the failure were immediate.
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One of the things I have struggle with all my life is the deeper applications of the Sermon on the Mount in Chapter 5 where Christ talks about the intent of the Law, not just the outward actions: anger as murder, lust as adultery, swearing of oaths as if we had real power over our lives, etc. The trouble that the Pharisees had - that of the outward appearance - is the same that bedevils me. I can manage my anger - outwardly. Inwardly I can still seethe in rage and hold entire arguments in my mind where I emerge triumphant from the argument.
With, as Christ points out, the metaphorical equivalent of a bloody knife in my hand.
Yes, I completely understand and acknowledge that Christ never meant that the two were equivalent, that somehow imagination or emotion in the mind were the equivalent of the action. But it is equally clear that, in God's eyes, sin of the mind is as grievous against His law as the sin of action.
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There are two things that one can do in such a moment.
The first is to ignore the pang that comes at the moment of realization, to think "Well, that is really not as bad as my mind is making it" or something like that and move on undazed and unfazed. The second is take the matter deeply - and humbly - to heart.
And having taken the matter humbly to heart, resolve with God's help to do it takes to more fully exorcise the sin from one's life. After all, only the proud think they have arrived.
My take on the set of six vignettes you are referring to is that Jesus was primarily talking about the meta-message of "dancing on the slippery slope".
ReplyDeleteIf you are a drunk and you do your drinking at Harry's Twist-n-Shout, then you sinned when you turned down the street Harry's was on when you had cash in your pocket. It wasn't the sixth mug of beer or the first mouthful. It was when you knowingly exposed yourself to temptation that in all likelihood you would not be able to resist.
As a person with experience in "Quality", you are probably familiar with Taguchi's (gain) Loss Function. It is often represented as a parabola or some other smoothly changing, continuous curve. The "Law" as interpreted by the Pharisees was a discontinuous GO-NOGO curve. You could have your toes hanging over the precipice and you could feel the edge crumbling...but you were still within the Law and therefor "OK".
Our emotions are biological reactions. We have limited control over them. When a healthy man sees a healthy woman, many of us will acknowledge that they are attractive. If somebody takes advantage of us, anger is a biological reaction. We have limited control over those emotions.
What we do have control over is limiting our exposure to places where healthy women are "available" and our exposure to images of them. We can armor ourselves against being taken advantage of by exercising discernment and right-judgement.
All those words just to say "TB, I think you are being a little bit too hard on yourself."
Thanks ERJ. Maybe you are right (and I certainly agree with everything you have written here). My fear is that I know myself in certain areas far too well to allow anything more than a tight leash. And sometimes that leash is less tight than I would like.
DeleteGodly folks taught me that the "old man is crucified with Christ". Meaning the old sin nature that I inherited from Adam. But the flesh is still with me. And flesh is irredeemable. It is like a weed. You pull up the weed and throw it on the ground. It's still green, alive. Until it is dryed up and crunchy, it still "works" so to speak. Same as us, until the flesh is in the grave, it still works.
ReplyDeleteOur flesh defaults to what we like to feel, see, think or taste. And it's a lifetime battle to overcome it. The spirit is alive to God, the flesh is our earth suit. It will autopilot into sinful ways if we don't deny it, and live out the Godly life we are called to live. Some are more practiced at denying it than others.
I can't excuse it, that would be a living death. Following the fleshly desires would deny God's calling and claim to my life. I wouldn't find peace (inheriting the Kingdom of God: Eph 5:5) living that way, as I'm alive indeed unto God.
Romans 8:6-8 "For to be carnally (fleshly) minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God."
You nailed it when you said we are lost without His saving Grace... i.e. losers. We KNOW we can't do it, and we come to God to do it for us and in us. We rely on His strength to live out a humble life, denying our flesh mastery over us. 2 Corinthians 10 addresses this, too.
STxAR - I think my issue is that it sometimes feels that the weeds have far deeper roots than I can possibly get out.
DeleteIn theory I understand the concept of "Dead to sin and alive to God". In practice, I find it much harder to implement, even with His Grace.
God is the only one that can pull weeds out. I just have to quit watering and feeding them (by giving into the old ways, BC, that is).
DeleteSTxAR - Said perfectly. Sadly, I appear to be a long term gardening project...
Delete"only the proud think they have arrived" That spoke deeply to me.
ReplyDeleteSadly Julia, I fear I have too often arrived.
DeleteHow I can identify with that! I've gradually managed to actually (on some days) not take stuff personally, because it's almost never meant personally.
ReplyDeleteWell, thank goodness you did not take it personally either, John. I was worried I was the only one...
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