After yesterday's strong post today is a letdown: I feel completely sad and defeated.
I have no idea where this feeling came from. It was there when I woke up - in fact, I woke up feeling that way from a dream I had. But then I got up and there it still was. Prayed - could not shake it. Read my morning Bible verses - could not shake it. And so there I sat, my morning routine completely shattered by a feeling I did not understand and could not shake.
I hate it when this happens.
Ideally I would like to be able to track this back to something - some event, some comment, some thing - that I can analyze, look at, and say "Okay, this is coming from that. I just need to resolve this/let this go/do something different and shake the feeling." But that is not happening apparently - instead, I am stewing in the juices of a sadness which I cannot remove from my soul.
The rest of day is looming before me of course and I have not choice but to engage in it. Everyone else and everything else does not stop just because I am under a cloud. I will need to pick myself up and carry on about the day.
But even within this I almost feel my eyes tearing up over the thought. There seems to be something really, really unsettling in my life today.
And I do not seem to understand what it is
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