Struggling Again

I am going through one of my periodic struggles with accepting life as it is.

Fear Mor leaving has been a great struggle.  Essentially I am now responsible for the work of  two people.  The schedules have not slowed down, you understand, just the the availability of personnel to the job.

The outcome?  In order to make sure things continue on this means working later. No great surprise, I suppose - except that it means that once again the timeline of my life is going to get compressed.  Potentially a great deal.

The critical stuff will get done of course - I'll still see my family and have time to eat and walk the dog and ensure I get the amount of sleep that I need.  But the parts that make life savoury - the fun items, the things for me - are starting to recede to the background as they do during times like this.

I always have problems when things like this happen.  Intellectually I understand that God is under no compulsion to provide me with a life that allows me to use my talents the way I see fit and enjoy, but the reality of the situation is painful when it smacks me in the face.  This is what it is to be an adult:  to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done and put off the rest.

But until when?  That is the part that seems to leave me grasping in situations like these.  And what is the reward from such situations?  Merely maintaining what I have?  That hardly seems to be any kind of meaningful reward for essentially surrendering parts of your life to a series of events which ultimately do not matter except as a vehicle of paying for your existence.

How to break out of this?  Oh, I wish I knew.  All I see before me is waves of paperwork and hours of review.  Any incentive has been stripped away to the bare minimum of "Do it because".

Is this truly life?