Another Visit With Anger

Anger strolled into my office this week.

"You look well" he said pleasantly enough as he pulled up a chair in front of my desk.  I was clearly in the midst of entering something in the computer and had papers scattered all over my desk, but that didn't seem to halt him in the least. "Been busy?"

I sighed.  Me just typing away was apparently not going to get the message across that I had other work to do.  I stopped working in the computer and turned to face  him.  "Busy enough"  I said.  "What brings you out today?"

He leaned back in the chair, his legs slowly pushing against the desk until he was balance at a 45 degree angle.  "Oh nothing, nothing" he replied with that smug smile of someone who knows he's lying.  "I was just out and about and heard you'd had some incidents this week, so I thought I might just drop by to see what's up."

I continued to stare at him, hoping to deny him the victory of being right.  "Well, maybe a little bit, but nothing worth talking about.  Annoyances, more likely."

He laughed.  "Annoyances?  You know I can hear you when you think your alone, you know.  I know what comes out of your mouth in half silences when no-one is around."

I winced at that.  That much was true - talking under my breath to myself, especially when confronted with situations I could not immediately respond to, had become a bad habit of mine.

"And the thoughts"  he continued on.  "Oh, the thoughts.  It's a shame they haven't developed the technology to view them yet, isn't it?  Oh, what fun that would be."

I flat out hung my head at this point.  No point in denying what was the undeniable truth.

"But it's okay" his voice oiled silkily over my distress. "It's fine.  We all get angry.  You just need to let go.  Be free.  Let your assertiveness burst forth.  Demonstrate you're not a force to be trifled with.

I sat there as the words sank down through the cracks of my armor.  Tempting, to be sure.  Even I was too aware to deny that rage felt immediately good.  It felt as if one was doing something rather than sitting impotently awaiting the next blow.  It seemed, as Anger said, as being assertive.  That sort of assertiveness worked for others - why couldn't it work for me?

I sighed and shook my head, then looked at him with a faded smile.  "I can't, you know". 

He just sat there, smiling.

I found the courage of my voice again.  "I can't.  I can't deny that it feels good, that it feels like I'm solving something  - but I solve nothing in the process. Just create bad feelings.  And my witness?  'The anger of men does not work the holiness of God' you know.  That matters more."

I sighed again and turned back to the computer with a purposefulness that I didn't feel in my heart.  "Thanks for stopping by" I said.  "Don't let me keep you from your walk".

Anger sat for a minute, apparently realized I was trying to work, and then slowly lowered himself to the floor and stood up. He looked around the office once or twice, then smiled. "Good enough"  he said.  "I'm sure I'll be back.  I like this office.  Good to know I'll be spending more time here."

And off he sauntered into the building, leaving me to peck at the computer board dissolutely with a fragile sense of not caring that was only eyelash thick.