Art and Science

My career is a science, not an art.

It occurred to me last night around 21:30 as I was pouring through documents to read in preparation for an audit by regulatory authorities. As I sat there, rolling through the pages and writing things down, realizing that I was much farther behind on things than I had thought, I suddenly came to the realization that what I am doing is a science.

I've tried to convince myself it's an art.

I believe I tried to do this as a sop to my spirit, an attempted gift to myself to make myself believe that I was not doing other than I was, that I was still involved in a thing that had nuances and craft and skill to apply. It was a way to try and give myself some level of dignity that what I do is special and extraordinary - perhaps a last vain attempt to pour a heightened level of personal meaning into my work.

While in fact there still may be nuance and craft, the reality is simply that what I do is much more of a science, "something that may be studied or learned like systematized knowledge".

On the one hand, I guess that's freeing. It means that if I want to do better or make progress, it's quite possible. Knowledge can be studied and learned. Systems can be followed. People can be taught. Others have succeeded - I need only do what they did to achieve what they achieved.

On the other hand, it's disappointing. An artist is one who, at some level, has an inborn ability that may not be held by others. By confessing that what I do is a science not an art, I'm confessing that I'm no more special in what I do than anyone else.

But, as mentioned yesterday, I can no longer afford illusions about myself or how the world works. And so art moves back into the realm of evenings and weekends, of those tasks practiced to please.

Welcome to the world of science.